Determine why he’s upset.
A Cancer man is unlikely to tell you directly why he’s annoyed or angry. He’s highly intuitive because he’s ruled by the moon, and doesn’t get when other people aren’t—he wants you to know why he’s hurt without telling you. Think about his values and goals and identify what you did or said to go against them (if it isn’t obvious). What seems like a small accident to you might be seen as a lack of caring by him. Watch his behavior and body language while you talk about different subjects. If he appears moody or withdrawn, that’s a hint about what he’s feeling down about. A surefire sign he’s irritated by something will be his aloof or sour attitude.
Be the one to approach him.
Cancer men aren’t great at expressing their feelings when they're upset. They retreat into their shell to avoid causing an argument. Your Cancer guy will be more willing to open up if you approach him first. When he’s hurt, he expects his partner to understand what they’ve done and take the necessary steps to make it right. In a Cancer man’s ideal world, his partner will be the one to acknowledge the words or actions that hurt him every time. Join him on the couch or sit facing him when you want to talk to him. Try to match his stature to start a 2-way conversation. If you can’t see him in person, try sending him a friendly text to see if he has time for a quick phone or video call.
Offer a sincere apology.
A quick “I’m sorry” won’t cut it with a Cancer guy. He’s sensitive and doesn’t take being hurt or betrayed lightly. Tell him you’re sorry and get specific about what you’re apologizing for to show you understand the impact of your actions. Be as genuine as possible—a Cancer man can always tell whether you’re actually sorry or just saying it to get him to lighten up. Be prepared to apologize multiple times. It takes a while to convince a Cancer man you’re truly sorry or trustworthy again. Use “I” statements to take ownership of what you did. For example, “I’m sorry that I blew you off last night” or “I feel horrible that I told Lauren about your secret.” Explain your behavior without getting defensive. Say things like, “I was just so stressed out that I blew up at you” instead of “I’m sorry I blew up at you but it wouldn’t have happened if you had just texted me sooner.”
Listen to his response carefully.
Your Cancer guy needs space to express his emotions to you. Let him talk freely while he responds to your apology or opens up to you. Resist the urge to interrupt him or get defensive—he’s non-confrontational and will shut down again if you push back too hard. He needs to know you’re absorbing what he’s saying, so show him you’re actively listening by: Making eye contact and leaning in towards him. Asking questions or paraphrasing what he said. Listening and reacting without making judgements.
Give him space to process his feelings.
Cancer men are introverted and need alone time to sit with their feelings. Let him come back around to you when he’s ready—trying to pressure him into forgiving you might push him farther away or make him believe your apology wasn’t sincere to begin with. Give him space when he needs it and know that he will come back around in a couple of days as a new man. Remind him that you’re always available when he’s ready to talk with the occasional text or handwritten note. Tell him things like “I’m always here to talk when you’re ready,” “Just let me know when you’re able to talk to me again,” or “Take your time, you know I’m always here for you.” Because Cancer is a cardinal sign, he will initiate conversation with you again when he feels the moment is right.
Follow up your apology with actions.
The best apology is changed behavior. This is especially true for Cancer men who are naturally a little suspicious and need to feel secure that you mean what you say. Instead of grand gestures, show him random acts of kindness (like surprising him with coffee or visiting him at work) every day to show you genuinely appreciate and like him. Here are some other things you can do: Keep all of your promises to him, no matter how big or small. Check in with him frequently to see how he’s feeling. Shower him with attention. Cook for him or bring a dessert or sweets to share. If you’re close enough, try hugging or hand holding (Cancer men value physical touch).
Wear your emotions on your sleeve.
As a water sign, Cancer understands others through their feelings. The best way to get through to a Cancer man is to be emotionally vulnerable—tell him how you really feel and how badly you wish for him to forgive you. Let your emotions show through your tone and body language. Use a soft, serious tone, make eye contact, and face him directly while talking. The guarded Crab is more likely to let his walls down when he sees you being open and honest first. A Cancer man deals with pain slowly. It may take him some time to reciprocate your openness, but it’s only because he’s afraid of being hurt again.
Reassure him that you care.
A Cancer man needs to know that you take his feelings seriously. Tell him explicitly that you care about him, you appreciate your relationship with him, and that you never want to do anything to jeopardize it again. Even if he’s still hurt, your constant reassurance will rebuild his confidence and eventually convince him to open up to you again. Let him know you appreciate him sharing his emotions with phrases like: “Thank you so much for letting me in. It means a lot.” “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me how you feel.” “Your feelings are important to me. Please know I want to hear them, whenever you’re willing to share.”
Bring up good memories.
Cancer men are incredibly nostalgic guys. Get sentimental with him and reminisce about the fun, bonding moments you’ve had together to butter him up. Tell him stories of obstacles you overcame together, wild nights out you had, or times that he was there to support you. When he remembers how good your relationship was before, he’ll be eager to get back to the way things were. If you two are dating, visit the spot where you had your first date or do an activity that reminds him of your early relationship to make him nostalgic for you.
Spend extra time together.
Cancer men need a lot of attention from the people they care about. It reassures them that you care and soothes their jealous or possessive tendencies. In the days and weeks after your apology, put in some extra effort to see your Cancer guy more often to strengthen your relationship. Try to make spontaneous plans so he feels like you genuinely want to see him instead of just sticking to an obligatory itinerary. Cancer men usually enjoy: A game night at home with a small, close circle of friends. Cooking or dining at a high-quality restaurant. A quick outing to a new place, like a day trip to a nature park.
Make him smile.
Some quality laughter will turn a Cancer man’s mood around in an instant. He values a good sense of humor, so go ahead and crack a few jokes around him to make him chuckle. Don’t stress about being the funniest person in the world—a few good-natured quips will get the job done. He’ll also appreciate a few compliments to boost his self-esteem. He cares a lot about his loved ones and appreciates when they recognize his good qualities. Make sure your compliments are genuine. If he thinks you’re just buttering him up to make the whole thing blow over, he’ll stay upset.
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