How to Read Others' Emotions

Translating Verbal Cues

Understand that words don't tell everything. When it comes to reading others’ emotions, if you bet all your money on words and don’t consider other factors of communication, you will often lose the message. Research studies have debated for years over the ratio of importance of verbal versus nonverbal communication. Some people have gone so far as to say that words are only 7% of communication. This is false, by the way, but the exact figures don’t matter. What does matter is your ability to recognize that you shouldn’t focus only on words when trying to discern someone else’s emotional temperature. Paying attention to vocal variety and body language are just as significant.

Listen for tone of voice. If you have ever had someone say to you “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”, then the person was referring to your tone of voice. Your tone is influenced by your cultural and linguistic background, the context, your relationship with another, and, surprisingly, your mood. Although words themselves tell a lot, the way you say the words can deliver a drastically different message to the receiver. For example, a husband arrives at home and his wife says “I see you worked late again today. You must have a really demanding schedule this week?” The way the husband perceives this message can differ by the wife’s tone. If she says it in a concerned, soft tone, he might assume she is worried about him and decide to open up and tell her about his day. If she says it in a judgmental, sarcastic tone, in which the words are exaggerated and the voice is higher at the end, he might assume she’s angry, so he shuts down. Or worse, he might say something equally sarcastic in response. Tone can be described as the attitude behind your words. While tone is presented verbally, it can also be processed as a part of body language. In general, softer tones are associated with friendliness and politeness, while a harsher tone might be associated with anger or cynicism.

Pay attention to the person's pitch. Pitch relates to the relative highness or lowness of person's voice. A change in pitch can affect the emotional tone of a person's message. For example, when a person's pitch is flat and unchanging with no inflection, it often implies disinterest or boredom with a topic - and also bores the listeners.

Ascribe meaning to pauses that occur during speech. Written communication has the pleasure of punctuation to help the reader follow along and comprehend the intended meaning. Spoken communication, in comparison, relies on pauses as a form of verbal punctuation. When a speaker uses pauses, he can create emphasis on certain words or phrases or impart humor and emotion. A nervous person may speak quickly and run sentences together without pausing. A comedian might share the first part of a joke, and allow a long pause, before following up with the punchline. This gives the audience time to process the joke and then laugh appropriately.

Translating Nonverbal Cues

Look at the facial expressions. One of the most basic commonalities of people across nations, races, and cultures is facial expression. Most human facial expressions remain constant, and sometimes a person can control these expressions. Microexpressions, on the other hand, are short-lived (i.e. as fast as 1/30 of a second) and cannot be easily controlled even if a person tries. A body of research has concluded that there are seven universal microexpressions. Learn how to decode the seven basic emotions through their facial expressions below. Joy. A person experiencing happiness or joy may show the following: cheeks raised, lips drawn back and up at the corners, mouth parted with teeth exposed, crow’s feet on the outside of eyes, and/or lower lid wrinkled or tensed. Surprise. A person experiencing surprise may show the following: eyelids open with whiteness showing above and below the eye, forehead covered with horizontal wrinkles, brow skin stretched across the bottom, jaw dropped open, and/or teeth parted without tension or stretching. Sadness. A person experiencing sadness may show the following: lower lip pouting out, skin beneath eyebrow forming a triangular shape with inner corner peaked, jaw pulled up, and/or eyebrows drawn in and up in the inner corners. Fear. A person experiencing fear may show the following: mouth open with lips tensed or stretched back, white of upper eye showing, forehead covered with wrinkles in the center, and brows lifted together forming a flat line. Anger. A person experiencing anger may show the following: vertical lines between the brows, lower jaw protrudes out, lips pressed together in a square shape, eyes bulging, brows lowered and pulled together, and/or nostrils flared. Contempt. A person experiencing contempt or hate may have one side of his mouth raised higher than the other. Disgust. A person experiencing disgust may show the following: nose furrowed, lower lip raised, cheeks raised, upper eyelid raised, and/or lower lid showing lines below.

Survey the person’s body language. Facial expressions may give us surefire signs of how someone is feeling, but, in some contexts, body language can tell us even more. In one study, participants were shown pictures of people showing positive or negative emotions by way of the face, the body only, or both the face and the body. It seems those depicting the body or both the face and the body were better at differentiating positive and negative expressions. Consider how these six emotions are portrayed throughout the body. Anger: clenched fists, trembling lips, avoiding eye contact, invading others’ space, exaggerated movements of the whole body, profane cultural gestures Sadness: limp body, quivering lip, flat tone of speech Surprise: moving the body backward suddenly Happiness: relaxed muscles, open arms and legs (i.e. not crossed), comfortable posture Fear: shaky voice, gasping, fidgeting, drawing in of body limbs, crossed arms and/or legs, avoiding eye contact, tensed muscles Embarrassment: flushed neck or face, looking down or away from others, changing the subject, presenting a false smile (i.e. not engaging the corners of the eyes)

Determine what the eyes are projecting. It is a well-known adage that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Whether you believe that or not, you cannot underestimate the valuable information gleaned by examining another’s eyes in different situations. The pupils constricting can be a tell-tale sign that a person is not interested in a conversation, while dilating pupils signify interest in the topic. When a person's eyes shift back and forth persistently, this could be a sign of insecurity. Humans blink at regular intervals of 6 to 10 blinks per minute. However, if you notice a person blinking at you at a higher rate, it may indicate that he or she is attracted to you. Another thing to be on the lookout for is the presence of crocodile tears. This involves a person forcing herself to cry in order to deceive or persuade. Usually, people cry when they are really sad, really happy, or really amused about something. Finally, another's eyes constantly avoiding yours can indicate dishonesty. On the other hand, when someone maintains persistent eye contact, he could be trying to intimidate the other person.

Sense emotional energy through touch. Emotions do not exist as an island. In fact, they influence our entire presence, and seep out into physical cues. Take note of the aura around the people with whom you interact, paying attention to these physical cues. Handshakes. Shaking someone's hand is a universally acceptable greeting. Still, there is much meaning in this gesture. For one, initiating a handshake is seen as a sign of hierarchy. What's more, the amount of pressure used during the exchange can give insights into the other person's state of mind. Firmness can indicate confidence, while a limp handshake may point to a person who is insecure or disinterested in an interaction. Hugs. Hugs are a wonderful way of showing affection toward others. But, the duration, the position of the hands, and the energy given off by the other person can give hints about how he may be feeling. For example, if a person gives you a side hug (arm thrown over the shoulder or around the upper back) with a quick pat or two, this may symbolize he or she is unenthusiastic or uncomfortable about the exchange. In comparison, a potential romantic interest might hug you much differently. This hug might be initiated with a warm, beaming smile, hands positioned on the hips or neck with more closeness in the intimate areas, and held for a longer duration.

Improving Your Perception

Leave your assumptions or biases at the door. If you want to improve your ability to read others’ emotions, you will have to drop any preconceptions you have about this person. Preconceived notions about others can cloud your ability to see them clearly.

Improve your listening skills. You can become better at reading people by becoming a better listener. Practicing active listening can give you clues about the underlying emotional state of a speaker. Why? Because when you are truly engaged in a conversation, you are more likely to spot discrepancies in what someone is saying versus his or her facial expressions or body language. Active listening involves the following: Attending. You are facing the person with an open posture, meaning your arms and legs are uncrossed and relaxed. You are oriented towards the speaker, and possibly leaning in towards him. You are maintaining eye contact. Paraphrasing. You restate the speaker’s original message (in fewer words) in order to show you understand. Clarifying. You ask questions or restate what was said in order to gain more information about ambiguous parts of the speaker’s message. Use statements such as, “So, you’re saying…?” or “If I heard you right, you said…”.

Listen to your gut. Tuning into your body can be a great way to read people. Oftentimes, our bodies are showing us signs about others that we overlook. Paying closer attention to your own physical sensations can help you to not only recognize what those around you are feeling, but also protect you if someone means you harm. Take some time to reflect on what the situation—don't just rush to make assumptions about what the other person is feeling. To improve your intuition, you may practice meditation or journaling. Spend time thinking about people, places, and/or things in your life. Reflect on or write about how each of those make you feel. Note physical sensations, thoughts, and your own emotions. All of these can be useful in helping you to listen to your gut more when around other people.