What Does It Mean to "Soft Launch" a Relationship on Social Media?

• To “soft launch” a relationship means to hint that you’re dating someone on social media, without explicitly stating who it is.
• Soft launching may involve sharing photos that obscure your partner’s identity or making text posts vaguely alluding to dating and romance.
• You might choose to soft launch if you’re a private person, if the relationship is too new, or if you’re not 100% sure about the relationship just yet.

What is a “soft launch”?

A soft launch is a way to hint that you’re in a relationship on social media. When you soft launch a new relationship, you’re making it clear that you’re dating someone—but keeping the deets to yourself. Your social media followers won’t know who you’re dating, how long you’ve been together, or the exact nature of your relationship—but they’ll know your dating status has officially gone from “single” to…something else. Over time, with more and more hints, your followers will realize you’re dating without you ever having to make a formal announcement. Alternatively, to “hard launch” a relationship involves making it explicit that you’re dating someone, directly naming your partner, and tagging them in your posts.

How to Soft Launch a Relationship

Have the "what are we?" conversation before posting. The soft launch is for (subtly) sharing your relationship with the world—not for declaring your love to your partner. Before posting a photo of you holding your partner's hand and fielding the plethora of "????" comments, talk to your new paramour about the exact nature of your relationship to avoid any potential awkwardness if they don't feel the same way you do. It can be an awkward conversation to have, but it's important to know where you two stand, so it's totally worth it. In fact, asking your partner what to post could be a good way to have the "define the relationship" convo: "Babe, I was thinking of posting this photo of us, but I wanted to make sure we were on the same page first. Where do you see this thing headed?"

Discuss what you'll post with your partner. Your partner may not particularly care one way or the other how you announce to the world that you're newly involved, or they may prefer you introduce them to your social media audience in a specific manner. Maybe they even want to coordinate posts! Before launching your r-ship, bring up the subject to them casually and ask if they mind you posting or if they have any thoughts about what to post. Often, a person's attachment style will influence how they feel about what they or their partner shares on social media. If you're dating someone with an anxious attachment style, they may prefer you to make it clear you're in a relationship—this might mean soft launching them, but in a way that makes it clear you're "off the market," or it might mean hard launching the relationship completely. If you're dating an avoidantly attached person, they may feel uncomfortable with you posting about them until more time has passed in your relationship. Or they may feel OK with a soft launch, as long as it's super soft—a-glimpse-of-their-elbow-from-the-edge-of-the-frame soft, even. Talk it over with your partner, but be sure not to completely give in to their preferences at the expense of your own. For example, if it's important to you to share that you're dating, but they don't want to, see if you can come to a compromise, such as posting a few weeks later than you'd like.

Post about your relationship—but avoid specific details. Think of the soft launch as a "teaser" for your relationship: make it clear you're no longer single, but don't share anything in your post that would allow viewers to identify who the post is about or the exact nature of the relationship. In other words, avoid clear photos of your new paramour, don't tag them in anything, and keep their name out of your posts—specific identifiers like those officially turn a soft launch into a hard launch. On Instagram, a soft launch might involve posting a photo of your fingers intertwined with your new partner's, or a pic of them from behind so that their face is concealed. In text posts, such as on Twitter, soft launching might look like vaguely alluding to a new romantic relationship without making it clear who it’s about. Your soft launch can be as soft as you want: it might be as simple as sharing a photo of two dinner plates side by side, or a selfie in a strange new living room—anything that might make your friends and anyone following your profile closely say, "Wait, what's going on??"

Reasons You Might Soft Launch a Relationship

You like your privacy. Social media can make every aspect of our lives feel on display for the world to see, especially if you have a lot of followers. But just because you can tell all, doesn’t mean you necessarily want to. You may enjoy sharing certain parts of your daily life with your Instagram or TikTok following, but prefer to keep your new relationship more private. You may also want to respect your new partner’s privacy: if they’re not comfortable being on display on your social media, they may prefer you to soft launch your relationship so that they can avoid the spotlight.

It’s too soon in the relationship. Maybe you want to shout from the rooftops that you’re in a new relationship and loving every minute of it—but it’s only been 3 days. You might consider announcing your dating status to the (virtual) world just one of many stages of a developing relationship, somewhere between becoming exclusive and saying “I love you” (or wherever feels right to you). It’s possible announcing the relationship too quickly will put unwanted pressure on you and/or your partner. The early stages of a relationship are for getting to know each other—something you don’t want to do under the watchful eye of social media.

You’re not 100% sure about the relationship. It’s common to enter a relationship without knowing where it’s headed—or if it’s a “relationship” at all. You and/or your partner may be slow to commit or simply uncertain if you’re ready to date, and that’s totally fine. While you figure out where your relationship is going, though, you don’t need social media staring you down. Plus, if you or your partner ultimately decides a relationship isn't in the stars, it can be a little awkward to come back from a hard launch.

When should you soft launch your new relationship?

Whenever it feels right to you (and your partner). Some people soft launch their relationships immediately; others wait a few weeks or months. There’s no “right” way to introduce a new relationship to the world, so whether you’re soft launching or hard launching your relationship, don’t feel pressured to do it at a certain time or in a certain way. Generally, if you've got any doubts about the relationship, hold off on soft launching. There's no rush, and once you've launched the relationship, it can be tricky (but not impossible) to un-launch.