'Desi Kattey' tweet review: Weak story, bland protagonists, long duration; watch it if you want to punish yourself

New Delhi: Two village kids grow up in a neighbourhood where they sell local guns and pistols. They have been doing this all their lives, and that's why their aim is immaculate. An ex-army guy, Suniel Shetty, decides that they're the perfect candidates for shooting competitions.

'Desi Kattey', a film directed by Anand Kumar, revolves around this premise. Starring Jay Bhanushali, Sunil Shetty, Akhil Kapur and Ashutosh Rana, the music for the film has been composed by Kailash Kher.

Will 'Desi Kattey' be one of those rustic and gritty films? Or will it be a boring dud? Prajakta Hebbar of IBNLive.com has bravely volunteered to find out.

10:50 AM: Stay tuned for the tweet review of #DesiKattey by @imsopraj

10:51 AM: Directed by Anand Kumar, #DesiKattey stars #JayBhanushali, #SunilShetty, Akhil Kapur and #AshutoshRana in key roles.

10:56 AM: #DesiKattey opens with a village schoolteacher writing the word "future" on blackboard. Children chant: "Fa-too-rey!" *sigh*

11:02 AM: #AshutoshRana looks super creepy as the underworld don-cum-aspiring politician in #DesiKattey

11:08 AM: Jeez. #DesiKattey shows a 12-year-old boy ogling at a woman who's bathing. Not a great beginning for a love story, surely?

11:10 AM: Dear lord. The risqué item number 'Patne vali hoon' is so unnecessary and...LONG. There IS such a thing as too many thumkas. #DesiKattey

11:14 AM: Too much bromance happening between #JayBhanushali and #AkhilKapur. Slow-mo running, wind blowing in their hair, giggling. #DesiKattey

11:28 AM: #SunielShetty looks severe, wears aviators & throws punches generously. And indulges in flash forwards (in excruciating details). #DesiKattey

11:32 AM: Why ijj eberybody isspeaking in a phake joo-pee x-scent? It haj been phorty-fibe miniits and my brain ijj hurting. #DesiKattey

11:45 AM: Everybody keeps glaring at each other and keeps saying the joo-pee version of "ass" a lot. There also an election? #DesiKattey

11:50 AM: Now #SashaAgha arrives in slo-mo. She has loooooooooong hair. And the two tapori protagonists are practising shooting. #DesiKattey

11:56 AM: In case u missed it, the protagonists are now preparing to participate in shooting championships, under #SunielShetty's tutelage #DesiKattey

12:04 PM: Can anybody die of boredom? Like, literally perish. @imsopraj is just wondering. No reason. #DesiKattey

12:12 PM: No. No. Not another song. No, no, no. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! #DesiKattey

12:22 PM: One of the two protagonists, Pali, is now shooting down all terrorist-type people. Why? We are not sure. #DesiKattey

12:25 PM: SONG. They've put another song. And this one is a slo-mo, suhaagraat number. Why, why, WHY?! #DesiKattey

12:30 PM: Gyaani (Jay Bhanushali's) pick up line is #legendary. "Ek chumma tu mujhko udhaar dei-dey..." (Not kidding). #DesiKattey

12:42 PM: We think we need to learn how to shoot, like Pali and Gyaani. So that we can kill. Kill time. #DesiKattey

12:59 PM: If #DesiKattey does not and soon, we might have to go in search of food and shelter.

1:02 PM: "Kahe khopadiya confoosa rahe ho? Matter ka phact kya hai?" Ei dialogue humka bahut pasand aa gaya hai. #DesiKattey

1:12 PM: The movie's still not finished, FYI. (We WILL not cry, we WILL not break down) #DesiKattey

1:17 PM: Dear god, it's the slo-mo again. With an inspiring (yeah, right) background score and a nostalgic photo montage. *applause* #DesiKattey

1:19 PM: In case you plan to watch #DesiKattey...don't. Just, don't. Read our previous tweets and choose wisely; you have a family back home.

1:19 PM: Thank you for staying with us throughout the tweet review of #DesiKattey.