In 2022, Lindsay MacMillan achieved her lifelong dream by publishing her debut novel, The Heart of the Deal. At just 28 years old, she departed from her high-paying position at investment banking giant Goldman Sachs to pursue her passion for writing. Lindsay MacMillan’s journey at Goldman Sachs was remarkable; starting as an intern, she swiftly ascended to the role of Vice President within six years. However, she found herself constrained by the corporate environment, which she perceived as dominated by male leadership.
Lindsay MacMillan shared her daily challenges and recounted facing criticism from colleagues for engaging in creative pursuits like writing poetry or baking. Despite participating in traditionally male activities such as wearing pantsuits, playing golf and discussing football, she often concealed her vulnerability by retreating to the bathroom to cry to avoid showing weakness to her colleagues.
Speaking to Business Insider, MacMillan shared, “Two years ago, I joined the ranks of the women leaving Goldman. My career propelled me from an intern to a vice president in just six years, but it wasn’t a walk in the park. Under my desk, I would keep a pair of black pumps that I called my ‘Hollywood heels.’ When I put them on every morning, I channelled a thick-skinned character who thrived in a man’s world. It worked, but it was draining. Eventually, I decided I’d had enough; I left to write novels and build my own coaching and consulting business.”
“In my first role, I was the only woman investor on a team of 20 men. I wore a pantsuit and muted my personality, I played golf, talked football and cried in the bathroom stall so I wouldn’t be seen shedding tears at my desk. My out-of-the-box ideas were discouraged. I was told to stick to the Excel templates and precisely formatted PowerPoint decks and to stop using exclamation points in my emails. My schedule was whatever the male leadership pushed: 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. during the week and long hours most weekends,” Lindsay MacMillan recalled.
MacMillan expressed her feeling that while Goldman Sachs was keen to hire talented women, it did not fully support their unique abilities. As she advanced in her career, she endeavoured to be more authentic, whether by displaying her bubbly personality or creating a “Goldman Sachs joy newsletter” to uplift morale. Her approach was well-received during her tenure in the London office for a year. However, upon returning to New York, she encountered difficulties. Colleagues criticised her poetry and when she brought cookies for her team, she was advised to prioritise financial modelling instead.
Many of Lindsay MacMillan’s female colleagues at the higher levels left Goldman Sachs to join or start businesses where they have more freedom. Since leaving the finance giant, she received support from Goldman, as they bought copies of her book and even invited her to speak with interns. However, she often felt the need to hide her feminine qualities, which were encouraged and rewarded. While she appreciates Goldman for launching her career, MacMillan believes the company has room for improvement.
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