- A woman may choose to cheat because she’s dissatisfied with her relationship, is bored with her partner, or feels insecure within the relationship.
- Common behaviors of a cheating woman include disappearing without an explanation and receiving texts and calls from strange numbers.
- State your honest feelings about her behavior but also listen to her side of the story before deciding if you want to continue your relationship.
Reasons a Woman Might Cheat
She’s dissatisfied with the relationship. One reason a woman may cheat on her partner is that she’s dissatisfied with her partner or the relationship as a whole. There could be many reasons for this dissatisfaction. Maybe she feels like her partner isn’t giving her the affection and attention she deserves. Or maybe she’s upset with the lack of communication in the relationship. Whatever the reason is, these personal feelings could lead her to cheat. Over time, a couple’s fondness, love, and care for one another can fade, so a woman may choose to cheat if she no longer feels satisfied with the direction her relationship is moving.
There’s a lot of conflict within the relationship. A lot of unresolved conflict can lead to a buildup of resentment and anger. Unfortunately, if these emotions aren’t dealt with the right way, a woman might use cheating as a way to get back at her partner and get revenge for the hurt she feels they caused. Cheating might also be a woman’s way of avoiding any more conflict. Rather than having to sit through another argument with her partner, she might prefer to just spend her time with someone else.
She’s bored in the relationship. If a woman feels like her relationship is lacking excitement and that she and her partner have hit a plateau, she might, unfortunately, intentionally choose to cheat as a way to bring some of that excitement back. However, even if she hadn’t explicitly made a plan to cheat on her partner, she might have just taken an opportunity when it presented itself because of this boredom. Cheating might also be her way of indirectly ending the main relationship if she’s feeling bored or dissatisfied.
She wants more sexually. Another reason a woman may cheat is that she may not feel satisfied sexually with her partner. This may be because her partner has been too busy, or they may simply not want sex on the same level she does. Whatever the reason, if a woman feels like she isn’t getting what she feels she deserves, she might seek out other people to satisfy her needs.
She feels neglected. Feelings of loneliness and isolation in a relationship may be what drive a woman to cheat on her partner. If her partner is neglecting her physical or emotional needs, she might feel like it’s necessary to find someone else who can satisfy those needs. An emotionally distant partner can drive a woman to choose infidelity as well. If a woman feels like her partner isn’t attentive or genuinely concerned with what’s going on in her life, she may try to find someone else.
She has an insecure attachment style. A person’s attachment style affects how they interact within relationships and how they trust others. If a woman has an insecure attachment style, she may crave attention and affection but be distrustful of others and unwilling to be vulnerable. This distrust might cause her to only want surface-level relationships in order to maintain her independence, so she may be more prone to cheat on her partner. People with an avoidant attachment style are often more likely to engage in affairs.
There’s a lack of communication in the relationship. Good communication skills are often the defining trait of any healthy relationship. However, if communication begins to break down and there are a lot of issues left unresolved, a woman may choose to cheat on her partner instead of dealing with those issues directly. If partners aren’t able to communicate their emotional and/or physical needs, this might also lead to one person deciding to cheat. Or, it may be that a woman feels like her partner doesn’t communicate how much they care for and cherish her, which can cause her to feel neglected.
She’s dealing with other mental health issues. Mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety may be the culprits behind a woman’s infidelity. Such disorders can cause low self-esteem, anger, frustration, and even impairments in decision-making, all of which can lead her to cheat on her partner. Cheating may also be her way of dealing with any negative or uncomfortable emotions she’s experiencing rather than dealing with them directly.
She’s feeling stressed due to a major life change. Things like getting married, having children, or a change in career are all events that could cause a lot of stress in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, she may choose to deal with this stress by cheating and finding someone else to give her comfort. Even if it isn’t a major life change, stressful periods in general may be the cause of a woman’s infidelity. For example, the stress of being away from her partner for a long time may lead her to cheat.
She’s cheated before. Researchers have found that people who have cheated before are more likely to cheat again in other relationships. In fact, people who reported having cheated on their partner in a previous relationship were 3 times as likely to report being unfaithful in a future relationship as well.
Characteristics of Cheating Women
Low self-esteem Unfortunately, a person’s low self-esteem can drive them to seek validation and attention from others—even if that means they have to cheat on their partner to do so. A woman might feel that the attention of one person just isn’t enough and so may turn to cheating to get more of it. Another possibility is that she feels insecure in her relationship. If she thinks that her partner will leave her because of this, she might cheat so that she can feel like she’s rejecting her partner rather than her partner rejecting her.
Dishonesty A cheating woman tends to lie about many things, the most obvious being her affair. This dishonesty may also turn into manipulation of her partner to make them feel guilty or doubt themselves. For example, she may use gaslighting or demeaning language to make her partner doubt their instincts about her cheating behavior.
Lack of empathy If a woman continuously lies about her cheating behaviors, her ability to empathize with her partner and others can weaken. As a result, she may not feel remorse for her actions and may not even realize how her infidelity can hurt her partner.
Low conscientiousness Conscientiousness is a person’s tendency to act responsibly and follow the rules. One study found that people with low levels of conscientiousness were more likely to cheat on their partners and less likely to be satisfied within their relationship. Therefore, a woman who cheats might have a tendency to break the rules of her relationship and be overall less motivated to make the relationship work.
Impulsivity When someone acts impulsively, they oftentimes don’t think through their decisions and how their actions will affect others in order to get instant gratification and satisfaction. In the case of a woman cheating on her partner, her infidelity may be a result of her impulsive decision to seek out immediate gratification, whether it’s sexual gratification or just another form of entertainment outside of her relationship.
Narcissistic behaviors Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health disorder that causes a person to have an inflated sense of self-importance. Narcissists often lack empathy and can manipulate others to get what they want. While not all cheating women have NPD, women who do are more likely to cheat. Other symptoms of NPD include: A sense of entitlement Obsession with power, beauty, and/or success Arrogance Need for admiration Envy
Signs a Woman is Cheating
She constantly disappears without an explanation. If you notice that she’s not home often but you have absolutely no idea where she could be, this might be a reason to be a bit suspicious. On top of that, if she’s becoming incredibly difficult to contact or purposefully ignores your messages asking where she is, this might be a sign that she’s cheating. For example, it looks a bit suspicious if she didn’t mention to you that she’d be away all weekend and is now ignoring your texts and calls. It’s even more suspicious if she lies about where she’s been. For example, she might say that she was spending time with a friend even though you saw her out with someone else.
She works late a lot. A woman who’s possibly having an affair might claim that she’s just clocking in more late hours at work. However, if you know that her work schedule isn’t that busy and she hasn’t ever had a need to stay late at work before, it’s not totally unreasonable to suspect something else is going on.
She has a lot of unexplained expenses. These unexplained expenses could be things like gifts for another person or dates with someone else. If you confront her about her spending history and she’s reluctant to tell you where the money has been going, it’s reasonable to be a bit suspicious. Another sign to look out for is if she’s spending much more money on gas or has racked up more miles than normal on her car. It may be that she’s driving quite a distance to see someone else.
You have separate social lives. A sign of possible cheating is if you and your partner hardly spend time together and lead completely separate social lives, mostly by her insistence. For example, she might constantly insist that you go and hang out with your friends on the weekend even if you planned to go on a date with her or spend time at home. Another sign that she’s being unfaithful is if she’s purposefully preventing you from meeting certain people in her life or makes excuses about why you can’t hang out with her friends.
She acts suspiciously on her phone and online. Quickly closing out of browser tabs when you come near, hiding her phone from you, and changing her passwords are all somewhat suspicious behaviors that could indicate she’s cheating. An even bigger sign is if you notice her constantly getting texts and calls from unfamiliar numbers. Another indicator is if she has multiple email accounts, social media accounts, or even multiple phones that she uses.
Her sexual habits or preferences change suddenly. She may suddenly not want sex, or she might unexpectedly want even more sex than normal. Both are potential signs that she’s being unfaithful. Or, she might suddenly introduce new activities to the bedroom that you’ve never done together. People who have a more permissive attitude toward sex—meaning that they’re more open to the idea of having sex with multiple partners—may be more likely to cheat.
She suddenly puts a lot of effort into her appearance. Making an effort to look good in your relationship certainly isn’t a crime, but if you notice that your partner is suddenly taking much more care of her appearance or even adopting a whole new look, it’s not totally unreasonable to question why. This is especially true if you get the feeling that she isn’t making the effort specifically for you. For example, she might have gone out and bought some expensive pieces of clothing for no apparent reason. Or, she might suddenly be sporting a new hairstyle and a lot more makeup than usual.
She accuses you of cheating. A woman who cheats might not be willing to own up to her mistakes, so she’ll try and shift the blame onto someone else. In some cases, she might end up projecting her emotions onto you and accuse you of being the one who’s unfaithful. In many cases, this kind of emotional projecting is due to her own feelings of insecurity, frustration, and even guilt regarding her actions and the state of the relationship. In some cases, a woman might use gaslighting to make you feel guilty and doubt what you think you know about the situation. For example, she might say something like, “We’re just friends. Why are you acting so jealous? I thought you trusted me” to get you to feel guilty and doubt your instincts. She might also act overly possessive or jealous around you due to these strong emotions even if she’s the one being unfaithful.
She gets defensive and hostile when confronted. It’s a red flag if she lashes out when you confront her about her behaviors and voice your concerns. It’s suspicious if she gets overly defensive and even aggressive instead of agreeing to talk about the problem calmly. It’s possible that she might even become physically aggressive when confronted about the problem.
She’s emotionally and physically unavailable. She may be suddenly unwilling to confide in you like she used to, or you might notice that she’s started brushing you off when you try to confide in her. She might also make herself physically unavailable by spending less time with you, sleeping in a separate room, and being less physically affectionate in public. Another red flag is if she suddenly stops saying “I love you” when she might have said it a lot in the past. She might also start acting a lot more privately and request even more time alone than what either of you are used to.
She’s uninterested in long-term commitment. It’s possible that a woman is cheating if she acts ambivalent or completely disinterested in being in a long-term relationship with you. For example, she might act completely unaffected when you bring up things like moving in together, getting married, or having kids. She may even talk about your relationship ending at some point.
Her friends seem uncomfortable around you. If her friends know that she’s being unfaithful, they may act awkwardly around you. For example, they may come up with poor excuses about where she’s been or try to change the subject whenever she’s brought up. Your own friends might act the same way if they know what’s going on, or they might constantly ask you if something’s wrong if they think something’s going on.
Confronting a Woman Who Cheated
Gather evidence about her cheating. While it’s important that you trust your instincts about things like this, it’s equally important that you have concrete evidence to support your claims when you confront your partner. This is especially true since she may continue to lie about her actions and try to gaslight you to make you doubt yourself. If you have evidence, there may not be a lot she can do to avoid the situation. For example, note any explained expenses she’s made and keep track of the times she’s been absent without an explanation or lied about her whereabouts.
Calm down before confronting her. Take some time to process your thoughts before sitting down and talking to her. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed with anger, frustration, and sadness when making such a discovery. However, if you go into a confrontation with all of these strong emotions, it’s possible that you might just end up escalating the situation. Take time to calm down before you talk with your partner. Do some breathing exercises, go for a walk to clear your head, or just take a moment to sit quietly and sort through your thoughts. Do some self-reflection about your own behaviors as well. Is there something you might have done that led her to cheat?
State your honest feelings in a direct manner. When you finally sit down to talk with your partner, be forward with conveying your thoughts and feelings. Avoid going in and immediately making accusations, like asking, “Why did you think it’s okay to cheat on me?” Instead, focus on presenting your evidence and conveying how her actions have made you feel in a calm, clear way. Use “I” language to keep the focus on your personal feelings and avoid sounding aggressive and like you’re blaming your partner. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so disrespectful for cheating on me,” focus more on your feelings by saying, “I felt incredibly hurt when you lied to me about where you were.”
Listen to her side of the story. As important as it is to present the things you’ve noticed and the emotions you’ve felt in response to her behavior, it’s equally important that you listen to what she has to say. She may wish to defend herself, or there could possibly be a completely different side of the story that you weren’t aware of. Be patient and avoid jumping to conclusions before you’ve heard her perspective. The behaviors that people consider to be cheating might not be the same for everyone. For example, you might believe that flirting with others is cheating, but she might think that it’s just harmless fun. Because of these differences, it’s important to sit down and have a conversation where both of you can talk about what you were thinking and how you interpreted the situation.
Decide if your relationship is worth continuing. Ask yourself if this is something you feel like you’ll be able to move past. Do you think your partner is willing to accept her mistakes? Are you both willing to make changes to become better people in your relationship? If the answer is yes, you and your partner might move on to talking about how you can mend your relationship. If the answer is no, it might be best to end the relationship. Reader Poll: We asked 406 wikiHow readers, and 68% said that if they found out that their partner was cheating, they’d choose to end the relationship immediately. [Take Poll] So, if you don’t think you’re able to work through the infidelity, then you’re not alone. Most people who’ve been in the same situation feel the same way you do now!
Attend therapy if you feel like you need more support. If you’re having difficulty coming to terms with what’s happened and feel like you need outside support, consider talking with a therapist. It might also be beneficial to attend couples counseling with your partner. There, a licensed professional can help you talk with one another and work through whatever issues you’re facing. Use a service like BetterHelp to find a licensed therapist to meet with in person or online.
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