Chat with her in person.
You owe it to your girlfriend to let her down face-to-face. Plus, breaking up over the phone or via text could cause her to blow up on you even more, leading to more problems in the long-run. Try to meet up with her and have a chat together so that she doesn’t feel unnecessarily slighted. If you two are long distance, try to wait until you meet up in-person. If you can’t wait, video chat is the next best option.
Be honest, but kind.
Tell her why you’re breaking up, but do it in a constructive way. Sure, it might feel good in the moment to tell your girlfriend exactly why you’re dumping her, but it will only make it tougher for her to move on. Instead, be honest about why you want to do this, but phrase it in a kind, loving way. Instead of, “You’re way too clingy, and I can’t handle it,” try something like, “I feel like our love languages are mismatched, and we might be happier with other people.” Instead of, “You texted me 20 times in an hour last week, which was way, way too much,” try, “I can’t dedicate as much time to this relationship as you deserve.”
Use “I” statements.
Focus on how you feel to make it sound like a you problem. It can be hard for your girlfriend to hear about how clingy or needy she’s been in the relationship. Instead, use “I” statements to make it sound like you feel bad that you can’t match her energy. For instance: “I don’t know if I can give you all the attention you deserve, and I feel bad about that.” “We have different communication styles, and I feel like we are mismatched.”
State clearly that you’d like to break up.
Don’t give your girlfriend any wiggle room. Unfortunately, you’re probably going to have to be very straightforward about this, and you can’t back down once you say it. Be prepared for your girlfriend to push back a little, but remain firm. Try something like: “I think it would be best if we broke things off.” “I still care about you very much, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.”
Emphasize that it’s better for both of you.
Tell her that she’s going to be happier with someone else, too. If she’s clingy, she’s probably going to be much happier with someone who can match her energy. Try to express that to her, and let her know that you’ll both be better off in the long run. “I know this hurts now, but I think we’ll both be happier with other people.” “I’m not the best partner for you anyway, and you deserve someone who is.” Remind her that this break-up is best for both of you, and will help you both get closer to the person who is actually right for you.
Listen to what she has to say.
Give your girlfriend a chance to speak so she feels heard. She might be upset, angry, or even defensive. Let her talk uninterrupted, and hear what she has to say. However, don’t back down from your desire to break up—if you do, you’ll only make things harder on yourself. Remember, you only have to break up with her once. If you can push through it this time, you’ll never have to do this again.
Put your feelings first.
You are not responsible for your (ex) girlfriend’s feelings. She might beg, plead, or cry to you about how hurt she is with your decision. Right now, it’s important to put your own feelings first. You’ll be much happier if you stick with your decision to break up, even if it feels hard to do right now. If your girlfriend starts to yell or gets abusive toward you, you’re under no obligation to stick around.
Move out if you two live together.
Moving out will give you a clean break so you can start moving on. If you two share a home, gather as much as you can and head to a friend or family member’s place. Make arrangements to take your name off the lease and utilities, too. Cut all your connections that lead back to your ex as soon as possible to avoid dragging the breakup out any longer. If your names are both on the lease, talk to your landlord about taking yours off before you move out.
Block her on social media.
She might use Instagram or Facebook to reach out to you. To make a clean break, block all of her accounts so that she can’t see your page. Hopefully, if she can’t contact you, she’ll stop trying to reach out. You might also want to set your social media pages to private. That way, she can’t just make a new account and look at your page.
Don’t respond if she reaches out.
Go no contact so that you both have a chance to move on. Your ex might try to call, text, or message you in the following days after your breakup. If it gets to be too much, consider blocking her number, at least for now. Don’t respond to any messages she sends, since that will just give her the chance to convince you to get back together with her.
Ask your friends not to give her updates on you.
She may reach out to your pals to see how you’re doing. Gathering intel on you isn’t good for your ex’s psyche, and it’s not great for yours, either. After you two break up, warn your friends not to respond to any messages she sends, especially if she’s asking about you. Tell your friends by saying something like, “Hey, so Kristie and I broke up. If she reaches out to you guys, will you just block her number? I don’t want her to harass you for information about me.”
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