Implementing Your Plan of Action
Reestablish contact. This can take some time and needs to be perfectly timed. Once your no contact period is over, you need to consider ways to reconnect with your ex. The best way to do this is case-specific. For example, if you have a lot of mutual friends, then you can attend a party that a mutual friend is throwing. Or, if you feel more comfortable not reestablishing contact in person, you can try texting him to ask something innocent, like the name of a restaurant you both once went to. Keep these conversations short, to the point, and emoji-free.
Be nice to both of them. You have to be nice to both of them, so it doesn't seem suspicious that you're talking to your ex again. Avoid reminiscing about your old relationship in the presence of his new girlfriend because that can get awkward and is a dead giveaway that you're still wanting him.
Text him occasionally, but don't bombard him. Once you reestablished contact with your ex, you can casually begin texting him. How often and how much you can do this depends on how receptive he is. Texting the link to a funny Tumblr or an old inside joke between the two of you shows that you still value what you guys used to have, but it doesn't seem desperate. At this stage, you're actively inserting yourself back into his life, and there could be some objections from his new girlfriend. Do your best to not criticize her in his presence or over texting. Be cool and confident because if he keeps talking to you despite her protests, then that is a great sign that your approach is working.
Focus on becoming his friend again. Friends meet for coffee or chat about what new movies are out. Make your short-term goal to have him as a friend. This will help him let his guard down, and will allow you to reestablish the connection that drew you both together in the first place. Was it a mutual love of baseball? The fact that you both hated the math class you took together? Think of this stage as pressing the restart button on your friendship. A good way to stay out of the friend zone is to break the touch barrier. Don't do anything overly obvious, but simply touching his shoulder or reaching across the table for his arm while you're making a point can send the right signals.
Let him know how you feel. Once you've carefully built up to winning him back, it's time to let him know how you feel. This is best done in person so that you can see his reactions and hear his voice inflections. Rehearse what you plan to say beforehand so you don't stumble over your words. Try to not be overly emotional. Simply say that you miss what you both had before, you know what you did wrong in the relationship, and you want to give it another shot with him. Let him know that you're aware that while the past won't instantly be erased, you know what mistakes were made and what to avoid. Avoid crying or pleading with him, if he doesn't seem to be on the same page with you. This makes you look desperate, and will likely drive him away completely. At this point, you've reestablished a friendship with him, and that might be all he is ready for right now. Be respectful of his feelings, and don't try to force a romantic relationship if he doesn't seem ready for it. Even though you tried your best, be ready for rejection. Sometimes no matter how hard we try, our exes are not in the same mindframe as us. Keep in mind that he might still be hurting over your break up, or he might truly love his new girlfriend.
Encourage him to take his time. You know firsthand the pain of a break-up, and if you are successful at winning him back, then he has to break-up with another girl and hurt her feelings. It will show self-confidence and maturity for you to tell him to take some time and be kind to his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend when he breaks the news to her.
Working Behind the Scenes
Be sure that your reason to get back together is legitimate. Of course you think your reason to steal your man back is legitimate, but try to objectively consider if this is a good thing to do. Do you genuinely miss him and his companionship, or are you just angry that he moved on from you so quickly? Try to be honest with yourself as to whether your wants are worth breaking up his current relationship. This is especially true if cheating was involved in your original break-up. Consider whether you want to have to endure something like that again. It might seem like he's the one for you, when in reality, you might just be experiencing some sadness and jealousy over the loss of a relationship that you invested time and energy in, not the guy himself.
Institute a temporary no-contact rule. If you decide that you want to try to win him back, then the first order of business is to institute a no-contact rule. You don't have to unfriend or unfollow him on social media, but don't call him, send him private messages or texts, or post on his social media accounts. Keep yourself visible so he knows you still exist, but do not engage him at all. There are exceptions to this. For example, if you have children with your ex-boyfriend, then you cannot simply stop speaking to him, for their sake. If you find yourself in a situation that makes it impossible to have zero contact with your ex, then keep conversation to an absolute minimum. Be polite but don't chat him up, and leave as quickly as possible. The no contact period is probably one of the hardest things to do when you want to win back your ex. It's important to remember that this is a means to an end. Although not true of all guys, most guys want what they can't have. So removing yourself from him will, at minimum, make him realize what it's like to not have you in his life. Your goal is to make that picture look bleak.
Resist comparing yourself to his new girlfriend. Once you've cut off contact with your ex, it can be tempting to hop on his new girlfriend's social media accounts and torture yourself with pictures of how perfect she seems and how happy they look together. Avoid comparing yourself to his new flame. She has nothing on you except his attention, which you are working to win back. If she seems taller or thinner or more athletic, don't get down on yourself. Remember that he loved you for you once, and he can again.
Make small physical changes. This does not mean going on a crash diet or exercising excessively. However, you feel most confident when you feel good about yourself. Try a new hairstyle or color, get a manicure or pedicure, or hit the gym. This will boost your self-confidence, and even if you don't win him back, you'll feel good about yourself knowing you look your best.
Preparing Yourself Mentally
Give yourself some time. Break-ups can hurt, and seeing your former boyfriend with a new rebound relationship can feel awful. However, you need to allow time for dust to settle on your old relationship before you begin planning how to get your ex back. A couple months is ideal, and a month is the absolute minimum you should wait before trying to get him back. You risk appearing desperate or clingy if you rush into your attempt to win him back. This gives him ammunition to use against you to paint you as the crazy ex-girlfriend. Resist the urge to immediately start trying to win him back.
Assess what went wrong the last time. Where did your last relationship go wrong? Did he cheat on you? Did you leave him and now regret it? Did you guys have trust issues? Think back to your relationship's biggest problems and think seriously about how you will address those going forward. You don't want to win him back only to immediately lose him because nothing has changed in your attitudes and expectations.
Redirect your anger into something positive. It can be easy to feel bitter and resentful after a break-up. When you've put a lot of time and energy into a relationship, it can be hard to see your ex happily moving on with another girl. No one wants to take back an angry, bitter ex, so you need to direct your anger into something positive. Some good ways to redirect your anger are taking high intensity classes like kickboxing, so you can physically release your anger, or you can try journaling or meditation to work on channeling your anger into something positive.
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