How to Get Rid of an Immature Reputation

Shrugging it Off

Remind yourself that, often, reputations don’t matter much. One way to ‘get rid’ of an immature reputation is simply to not let it bother you. Unless the specific content of what people think about you has serious consequences for your ability to make friends, get a job, and so on, your reputation matters only to the extent that you think it does. Also, caring too much about your reputation can, in fact, be a sign of immaturity. So, if you are overly worried, shrug it off a little bit. Ask yourself why your reputation matters for you. What are the consequences of others seeing you as immature? If they are minor and do not impede you in any important goals, consider shrugging your reputation off and focusing on other aspects of your life that are more important to you.

Know that your reputation might not reflect the real you. Keep in mind that reputations are an approximate estimation of others’ incomplete knowledge of what makes you, you. People (not necessarily knowingly) may spread information about you that is inaccurate or entirely untrue. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself whether you believe you may be immature and if so, whether it might be worth changing your ways. Remember not to be too bothered by information that is not an accurate reflection of yourself, unless this information is actually damaging in a real, concrete way (i.e., it impedes with a goal that you value, such as having more friends).

Keep in mind that reputations can change. Take heart in the idea that just as your behaviors that contribute to an immature reputation can change, so too can your reputation.

Acting Maturely

Identify areas of immaturity then act more mature. If shrugging off your immature reputation doesn’t do the trick, it is time to identify specific aspects of your character that others view as immature so that you can address them and change your reputation. In other words, note what you want to change, then change it. Take note of how you think, feel, and act, relative to others your age and slightly older than you. Do you find yourself to be much more dependent on others than people your age? That may be a sign that you have identified an area of your life that is contributing to your immature reputation. You could work to improve this by becoming more self-sufficient; take a task you used to get help with and try doing it on your own! Do not take discrepancies between your behaviors and those of your peers at face value. All people have different life experiences, cultural backgrounds, and circumstances that may account for their behavior differences relative to their peers. For example, due to an increased emphasis on interdependence, it is more common for children from parents of East Asian descent to live with their parents until older ages relative to Caucasian children. If you did not consider idiosyncratic information about yourself, such as your cultural background, you may unwittingly view your behavior as immature, when in fact it more reflects a cultural difference.

Put others before yourself. Acting selflessly is a sign of maturity. Offer to do more chores around the house or to help out a friend in need. Being considerate of others means that you are not just thinking about yourself.

Respect your parents. You can respect your parents by being open and honest with them, and carefully listening to what they tell you to do. One sign of maturity is respecting and caring for one’s family.

Consider others' feelings. Remind yourself to mentally pause in communicating with others and ask, "how might she feel about what I am about to say?" Remember to keep in mind how you would feel if you were being treated exactly how you are treating someone else. At the same time, recognize that not everyone feels the same way about everything. Keep in mind relevant information you know about the person you are interacting with. For example, if you know that someone is self-conscious and does not like to be playfully teased, save your joking around for someone else who may appreciate it more.

Get comfortable in your own skin. Being comfortable in your own skin can matter more for your perceived maturity level, and hence your reputation, than the specific behaviors you engage in. If you feel that you are overly self-conscious, try asking yourself how often you actually spend time thinking about others in a negative way. Chances are it is not that often, and chances are, too, that other people are not spending much time thinking negatively about you, either.

Follow social norms. There are many social norms and following them is a sign of maturity because it says that you understand the social dynamic and you are willing to play by the rules. For example, if someone helps you out, be appreciative and help them back. If you are not able to help them right away, be sure to write a note for yourself so you do not forget to help them when you are able to. Do not intentionally burp or pass gas or do other things with your body that is against most groups' social norms. Be sure to use good table manners. Be sure to offer your gratitude to whomever prepared the meal. Offer to wash the dishes as a way of letting them know that you appreciate their hard work. If it is a more formal setting, be sure to unfold your napkin and place it on your lap under your table. Do not speak with your mouth open.

Think before you speak. Do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Craft your words carefully and be careful not to sound too emotional. For example, if you don’t want to do a chore, instead of saying “No! I don’t want to do that!” you might say “Would it be alright if I first finished what I’m doing before I take care of that? It should be within the hour.”

Take control of your emotions. A lack of emotional control, or showing the wrong degree intensity of emotion based on the context, is another sign of immaturity. To calm your emotions, try re-appraising the situation by posing questions: What is the worst that can really happen from this? Did she really mean to say that or was she maybe being careless, or has she had a long day and should I cut her some slack? Have I ever done that to someone else and should I be more forgiving as a result?

Overcompensate with other kinds of maturity. If you are seen as immature in one domain that you do not want to or feel you are unable to change, become more mature in other ways. For example, if you really struggle with taking others' perspectives during conversation and do not feel you can address this to improve your reputation, overcompensate by doing more chores around the house, or by becoming even more financially stable or independent, or by fostering your emotional maturity.

Rehabilitating your Reputation

Have patience. Because it involves a group's shared opinion of you, reputation change will take time. If you find yourself struggling with patience as you work to change your reputation, remind yourself that your reputation isn't either mature or immature like a light switch is on or off, but is instead on a continuum that varies in maturity, like a light dimmer switch that goes from very bright all the way down to off.

Apologize and mean it. If you did something regretful that is contributing to your immature reputation, say sorry and mean it; this will help you repair your reputation. When you apologize, do not over do it. Focus instead on actively showing, through your improved behavior, how you will fix the situation you regret or otherwise avoid it in the future. In other words, when making an apology, don't just tell, also show that you are sorry.

Find the source. It is possible that someone is leaking information about you that you do not want others to know. Find out who this individual is and ask them not to do so. If they are saying things about you that are inaccurate or entirely untrue, ask them why they are doing that, let them know it is damaging to you, and if they do not stop, seek outside guidance, such as from a parent or teacher. Let others know they are spreading false information about you. To figure out the source, try asking others who they heard particular information about you from.

Change social groups. One drastic but effective way to change your reputation, which can be paired with your changing the behaviors you have identified as problematic, is to hit the reset button and change social groups entirely. By starting afresh, your reputation now has a clean slate and you can be seen as mature through your new found behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, more easily.