How to Get the Guy You Want

Getting His Attention

Let him see you having fun. If you want to catch the guy’s eye, then you shouldn’t hover around him, trying to make eye contact all day. Instead, you should work on doing your own thing, having a great time with your girlfriends, hitting up the dance floor, or just having a blast without needing a guy. You can smile at him and let him know you’ve noticed him, but focus on having a great time and he’ll want to be right there with you. Of course, it’s impossible to be in a good mood all of the time. If you’re really having a down day, you shouldn’t feel the need to completely fake it. That said, though, you should work on cultivating a positive energy as much as you can. Potential boyfriends and potential friends are drawn to positive energy like moths to a flame. The more you laugh and the more joy you have in even the smallest things in life, like a clear night sky or an adorable puppy, the more people will be gravitating toward you.

Be friendly, but don’t let him know how you feel just yet. You shouldn’t be too chilly or mysterious if you want to get the guy you want, or he may think that you don’t really like him or that you’re just not very nice. Instead, you can be friendly, introduce yourself, and make a bit of small talk without letting him see that you really like him. Show him that you’re fun to talk to while leaving him wondering where your feelings are at; this will leave him to want to talk to you even more. Don’t be afraid to say hi and to ask how he is. If he’s wearing a funny shirt, tell him you think it’s cool. Don’t put too much pressure on your first exchanges and just focus on having fun. Being friendly to others will also make you look like an awesome person who is worth getting to know. Don’t limit your friendliness to the guys you like and make an effort to get to know everyone in your orbit. Casual compliments can be good icebreakers. Something as low-key and simple as "Hey, you look nice today!" can work well.

Be exactly who you are. Though you may think that “be yourself” is tired advice, the best thing you can really do to get the guy you want is to be just who you are instead of putting up a front or acting like a girl you think the guy would rather be with instead. Don’t hide your best qualities, even if they’re a bit quirky or out there, because in the end, that’s what makes you special. If you’re faking it, then the guy will be on to you much sooner than you think. Plus, putting up an act is just plain exhausting and you won’t be able to fully enjoy yourself if you feel like you have to constantly check yourself. Though you may want to wait to show your raunchy sense of humor or your famous impressions of your cat, Fiddles, you shouldn’t act like a different person, or your connection won’t last long.

Flirt. Flirting can help you get the guy’s attention and get him more interested in you. While you don’t want to come on too strong, making eye contact for a few seconds, giving him a playful touch on the arm, and a bit of playful banter back and forth can help move your relationship along and can make the guy more intrigued by you. Give him more of your attention than you’d give to other guys, but don’t give him all of your attention, or you’ll be putting all of your cards on the table. A lot of girls are nervous about how to flirt and don’t really know how to go about it. Start with making eye contact and then breaking it, and then have some lighthearted, fun conversations where you may even end up teasing each other a bit. Move closer to the guy and see how he reacts. If he gives you a playful push or seems like he’d be receptive to one, then respond in kind. You can also brush his hand with yours or hug him a little longer than normal. Some girls like to lick their lips a bit when they flirt with guys so they draw more attention to their mouths.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Another way to get the guy to notice you is to be fun and lighthearted instead of stressing out over every little thing. While it’s important to be serious about your goals, dreams, and so on, it’s not so important to freak out over your chemistry exam or the fact that you spilled ketchup on your shirt. Learn to laugh at yourself at the right times without being self-deprecating and on brushing the bad things aside. If you know how to take a joke and laugh at yourself, the guy will like you more because he’ll see that you’re easy to be with. Guys don’t like hanging out with girls who make them feel like they’re walking on eggshells. Part of not taking yourself so seriously lies in gaining some maturity and perspective. You need to learn that one fight with your friend or one poor math score isn’t the end of the world and isn’t worth freaking out about.

Stand out to him. If you want the guy you want to pay attention to you, then you have to stand out to him in some way. This doesn’t mean you should dye your hair blue and play the banjo — unless that’s your thing — to get his attention, but it does mean that you should be confident doing what you want to do and putting your best foot forward. Maybe you have an incredible sense of humor, awesome dancing skills, or a unique fashion sense. Just remember that if you were like everyone else, you wouldn’t stand out to the guy. Be proud of whatever makes you different instead of trying to hide it. Having something that makes you stand out will make a guy be more drawn to you than if you blended in with the crowd.

Wow him with your confidence. Guys love girls who are confident and who don’t need them for validation. To wow a guy with your confidence, you just have to be happy with who you are and what you have to offer. Don’t doubt yourself, question your looks, or ask for reassurance. Instead, stand tall, smile, and let the world see how happy you are to be yourself. If you’re happy and comfortable in your own skin, then people will be naturally drawn to you. Body language has a lot to do with conveying confidence. Turn toward the guy when you’re talking to him and avoid looking down at the floor or fidgeting with your hands. Instead, make eye contact, smile, and show that you’re confident in your social interactions. People who are confident talk about the people they love and the things they love to do instead of seeking validation by putting others down. You can show insecurity from time to time and you don’t have to act like the most confident person on the planet all the time. But if you work on loving the person who you are, people will want to soak up some of your positive energy.

Be realistic. Being realistic is important when it comes to getting the guy you want. While you should have the confidence to feel that you can get any guy you want, sometimes two people just aren’t compatible or are missing that special spark. If a guy you like is just not into it, it’s better to move on to someone who can connect with you a bit more. Some girls think that if they don’t get a certain guy to be theirs, that there’s no one else for them, but they just have to open their hearts up to more possibilities. If you’ve been trying to make it work with a guy who seems busy, distant, or just not very receptive, then it may be time to move on to bigger and better things.

Deepening Your Connection

Show a real interest in his life. If you want to keep the guy interested, then you have to show him that you really care about him and that you want to get to know him. While you shouldn’t follow him around or ask him 20 questions an hour about his life, you should make an effort to get to know what his interests, friends, family, and life are like. Ask him questions about himself from time to time and make eye contact when he tells you something important to show that you really do want to know what he’s saying. If you get into the habit of talking about yourself and your own problems all the time, then the guy will quickly get bored. Make sure he’s doing about half of the talking. If you really care about him, then check in with him from time to time to see how he’s doing when you’re not together. If he had a big test, text him to ask how he did. Show that you’re thinking of him when he’s not there. If he’s knowledgeable about something, whether it’s baseball or politics, ask him to talk to you about it so he shows that you care about the things that matter to him. Of course, if you don’t want a breakdown of the history of the Oakland A’s for the next three hours, you can kindly steer the subject in a different direction. Be sure to keep your eyes off your phone when you're talking to him. This shows that you're fully focused and paying attention to him.

Don’t come on too strong. Though it’s important to show the guy that you care about him, you should also avoid letting him think that he’s the guy you’ve been waiting for your whole life. Even if you do think this is the case, you and the guy should get to know each other a bit and feel really serious about each other before you start making declarations of love, asking him how many kids he has, or tell him that you can’t stop thinking about him. Once you spend more time together and it’s clear that your affection is mutual, then you can open up to each other a bit more. Match the guy’s pace as much as you can. If he’s taking things slow and not revealing a lot of his feelings quite yet, then you can hold back from pouring your heart out and take it slow for the time being. If you start hanging out with each other, play it cool with how often you see each other. You don’t want to make it seem like you’re always available. This will make him appreciate your time together more.

Compliment him. Another way to make the guy see that you care and to stay interested is to give him sincere compliments when you’re together. Don’t tell him that you think he looks hot and call it a day; let him know that he has an amazing sense of humor, that it’s so easy to talk to him, or that he’s the most creative person you know. Make an effort to get to know him and to give him a compliment that feels truly sincere, not just something that’s calculated to make him like you more. Keep it simple. Say something like, “You have such a natural way of talking to new people. I wish I could do that” or “I’ve never met someone who knows as much about history as you do.”

Bond over common ground. Once you’ve explored that initial attraction, you and the guy you like will want to find something you have in common. Though you don’t need to have everything, or even many things, in common to have a successful relationship, it can help to have a few things that you can talk about and do together to keep your relationship going strong. You can bond over liking the same oldies or Motown hits, hiking, going to baseball games together, or wanting to try every new restaurant in town. It doesn’t matter what you bond over; what does matter is that you find a few interests to explore together. You can also find a new interest that you’re interested in exploring together, like a new popular band, a new bowling alley in your town, or going hiking together when neither of you have done it before.

Check in with him. If you want him to see that you really care about him, then you should check in with him from time to time to show you’re thinking of him when you’re not together. Though you shouldn’t call or text him more than once every day or two if you don’t see each other, sending him an occasional call or text, especially if you want to see how his game or interview went or to wish him luck on something important going on, will show him that he means a lot to you. Make sure you both check in with each other about the same amount of time. It should be mutual. Not all guys are big phone talkers. If you call him just to chat while he wants to plan your next date, don’t take it the wrong way.

Open up to him. As your relationship moves forward, your conversations will deepen. You should open up to the guy little by little, letting him know what’s on your mind and what you’re nervous or wondering about. Let him know about your childhood, your friendships, and your relationship with your family members as you get closer and each share something about yourself. As long as he’s opening up, too, he’ll be drawn to you because he’ll feel like he’s getting to know you more and more. Take your time. Let him get to know you before you reveal the big stuff or he may get overwhelmed and won’t know how to respond. When he opens up to you, take the time to really listen, instead of revealing more and more about yourself.

Give him some affection. Some affection can help any relationship stay strong and move forward. You can hold the guy’s hand, give him kisses, place a hand on his knee, or give him a big hug when you see him. As you get closer, more touching will be natural, and you should let him see how much he means to you by giving him some physical attention. Just remember not to move forward at a faster pace than makes you comfortable, and to only be affectionate because that’s what you really want. Different guys have different approaches to PDA. Some just don’t like holding hands or being super affectionate in public. This doesn’t mean that the guy doesn’t want to be seen with you, but that he’s just a little shy about making his private feelings public. Of course, if holding hands in public is really important to you, you two can find a compromise.

Keep him guessing a little. Though you don’t have to play completely hard to get and be so mysterious that he has no idea what’s going on in your mind, if you want to keep the guy hooked, then you can’t act like you’re at his beck and call, either. You don’t have to answer the phone every single time he calls or tell him exactly what your plans are if you’re busy one night. You can tell him that you like him without revealing everything that’s been racing through your head and make him take the initiative. If you keep him guessing a little, then he’ll be even more drawn to you. Guys like it when a girl can keep them on their toes. If the guy knows exactly what to expect from you every time you talk, then he’ll be less excited to see you. Of course, you don’t want to get to the point that you’re acting so aloof that he doesn’t think you like him at all. Make sure he does believe in your feelings for him.

Making it Last

Try new things together. If you want the relationship to stay interesting, then you’ve got to keep things fresh. Falling into the same old dull routine can make that fire flame out pretty fast, so you should always keep him on his toes and find new things to do together to keep your love feeling exciting and dynamic. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you work to keep your relationship feeling exciting and fun. This could mean taking a spontaneous road trip once a month, taking up ballroom dancing together, or learning to cook French cuisine together.

Be friendly with his friends. The longer you are together, the more important it will be for you to bond with his friends. While you don’t have to be best friends with them, you should spend some time together, build up a healthy rapport with them, and make sure that they don’t think you’re keeping him from really being who he is. You want his friends to be on your team if you want the relationship to last, and you shouldn’t make him choose between you or his friends, either. You don’t have to hang out with his friends every second of the day, but when you do see them, say hi and ask how they’re doing and even joke around with them a bit. If you’re serious about the guy you’re with, then you should prepare to be interacting with his friends a lot in the future.

Develop some traditions just for the two of you. If you want your relationship to stay new and exciting, then you and your man should find some things that are only meant for the two of you. While keeping things fresh is important, developing some traditions is crucial to the success of your relationship, too. It can be as simple as going jogging together every Sunday, going hiking outside of the city once a month, getting wrapped up in Game of Thrones together, or finding “your” bar, where you play pool and split a pitcher of beer once a week. It’s important to find some things that can help define your relationship together. Developing traditions together can help your relationship feel special and unique and can give you more things to look forward to together.

Let things progress at their own pace. To make your relationship last, you can’t pressure your guy to move forward faster than he’s ready to do. Whether you want to move in together, get married, or have kids, or just want him to meet your parents, you have to remember to slow down and wait for the right time to present itself. If you’re always pressuring your boyfriend to take the next step, then he may feel suffocated and less excited to more forward with you. Every relationship moves at its own pace, and you shouldn’t pressure your boyfriend to do what your best friends, neighbors, or cousins are doing. You should decide to move forward together. It shouldn’t be all about putting the pressure on or for waiting for the guy to make the move.

Grow closer while maintaining your independence. It’s natural that the longer you date, the more time you’ll spend together, and the more you’ll merge your interests and favorite activities. However, it’s important to not lose sight of who you are apart from your guy, and to continue to make time for your solo hobbies, for your friends, and for your family without your guy by your side. If you both spend time apart doing your own thing, you’ll continue to grow as individuals while helping your relationship grow stronger. It’s important to always make time for your girlfriends, no matter how serious things are with your guy. They’ll help ground you and will remind you of the person you are apart from your guy and can help you get some perspective. Plus, if you and your guy spend more time apart, your time together will be sweeter because you’ll be more excited to see each other.

Let him know how much he means to you. If you’re serious about each other, then you should never forget to say “I love you” or to let your guy know how much you care. Don’t take his love for granted and assume that he knows how you feel about him. To make your relationship last, you can’t get lazy with your love and can’t make assumptions. It’s important to be open and honest about your feelings every day of your relationship. Girls can be romantic just as well as boys. Plan a date to sweep him off his feet, go on a surprise weekend getaway in the mountains, or spend your anniversary in the same ice cream shop where you went on your first date. Never stop showing your guy how much you love him and he’ll do the same for you.