How to Get Your Significant Other to Stop Wearing Excessive Makeup

Talking Directly

Ask your significant other why they have chosen to wear makeup this way. It is important to remember that people wear makeup for a variety of reasons. Moreover, it is personal choice and personal taste that determine the amount and type of makeup one wears. Questions to consider include: Are they attempting to cover a flaw? Do they enjoy bold and bright colored makeup? Is this makeup done for the wearer or for someone else? Are they wearing makeup to enhance their features? An example of how you might begin this conversation would be to say: “I notice that you often wear a lot of makeup and I was wondering if you could explain to me why people wear makeup and what your personal reasons are for doing your makeup the way that you do?”

Ask them how they feel about themselves and if wearing makeup changes anything for them. Many people wear makeup to feel prettier or because they believe that they will be perceived negatively without it. Others wear makeup to fit in. It’s been proven that people who wear makeup are often perceived as more trustworthy, competent, and likeable than their bare-faced counterparts. Discuss openly and kindly what your partner shares with you. Do not make criticisms about your significant other’s feelings about themselves and/or makeup. Listen carefully to what you are being told and do not pass judgments. You might say something like, “I was wondering if you could tell me what it’s like to be you? I mean, in general, how do you feel about yourself and your appearance at any given time?” Once they have answered this, you might segue into discussing how they feel about wearing makeup and if that changes how they feel about their appearance. Make sure to empathize with them when they answer this question and do not ask the question in a way that might sound like an accusation.

Ask your significant other to describe how they think your makeup preferences operate. After listening to their description of their understanding of your likes and dislikes pertaining to cosmetics, you should talk about your preferences. Explain why you like a natural look with less makeup on a person more than a robust makeup application. Remember to be kind and careful with your words. Don’t take this opportunity to insult your significant other’s makeup applications, or to offer criticism. Be objective. Make your preferences about you and not about your significant other. You might begin this conversation by asking, “What kind of makeup do you think I like best?” or by asking, “What type of makeup do you think I find the most attractive and why?”

Taking an Indirect Approach

Tell your significant other that they are attractive when they aren't wearing any makeup. Complimenting your significant other when they are fresh-faced is a sweet gesture. This will help to build your mate’s self-confidence and may provide enough of a hint to let your significant other know that you wish they would wear less makeup without your actually saying so. Repeat your compliments of your significant other whenever they are free of makeup as positive reinforcement. Make sure that you mean what you are saying and that you are not offering empty compliments. Make sure that your compliments are not backhanded compliments that could double as insults, or which contain snark. Make sure that your compliments do not come off as a criticism of your significant other’s makeup skills.

Focus on one specific feature. Perhaps they have naturally alluring eyes or full lips. Tell your partner about your favorite part of their face and why. Again, this will boost your significant other’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

Point out your mate’s inner beauty. Rather than focusing on superficial beauty, express your appreciation for their depth and character. Reinforce that they are a beautiful human being inside and out regardless of the amount of make they are wearing.

Pay for a professional day of pampering. Tell your significant other how much you love them by treating her to a spa day. Be sure you purchase the package that includes a makeover. They may love their new, more subtle makeup, providing you with a sneaky, but sweet way to revise their look. Speak with the spa professionals about what you hope to achieve. Be sure you tell the makeup technician that you do not want them to know you ordered a makeover, but that they wear too much makeup, which detracts from their appearance. Be sure you include other spa goodies such as a massage and a manicure or pedicure to complete the day. If you only have them go for makeup, they will most likely be suspicious of your intent.

Pay your partner a lot of compliments when they wear natural-looking makeup. While this may feel abnormal for you or your partner, you should use positive reinforcement in order to build your significant other’s confidence and self-esteem, as well as to effect a more permanent change in their makeup application. Additionally, this will help revise your partner’s desire to appeal to the mistaken preference that you have like heavy makeup.

Go shopping for your significant other and pick out a neutral-hewed lipstick, blush, or eye shadow and gift it to them. Let them know that you found this particular item of makeup and you knew it would help to enhance their natural beauty without overpowering it.

Accepting Their Choices

Be aware that your significant other may disagree with your concept of attractive makeup. If this occurs you should accept their decision, as the way they apply their makeup is wholly their choice. You won’t always be attracted to your partner, but if you love them, you need to accept them as they are or want to be.

Stop criticizing your partner. You selected your partner for a reason and during the courtship phase of your relationship you accepted their flaws, including their decision to wear a lot of makeup. Ask yourself why you are now willing to criticize what you previously managed to overlook. What will you gain from this criticism? Are you simply trying to change your partner to be more to your liking? Are you willing to hurt their feelings, diminish their self-esteem, or damage your intimacy in your quest to change their appearance?

Act with mutual compassion, understanding, and generosity. Acting with generosity breeds cooperation, kindness, and compassion. This will demonstrate a concern for your partner’s well-being. It will display respect for their autonomy and decision-making process. Finally, it will show that you value them and accept their choices even when you disagree with them, which is an exhibition of unconditional love.