Showing Her Respect and Kindness
Support your girlfriend’s wants and needs. Listen attentively to your girlfriend’s needs, desires, and concerns, and support her choices whenever possible. If your girlfriend tells you she would like to set aside a day to spend together, coordinate a time that works for her and put it on your schedule. Try to think about what your girlfriend feels and experiences, then engage in behavior that acknowledges her desires. You might notice that she smiles or giggles when you pretend she’s royalty, so you may kiss her hand or bow to make her really laugh. Dating coach Connell Barrett says to “ask yourself, ‘how can I make my partner feel significant, appreciated, and loved today?’ You do that every day, you're going to have a great chance for a long lasting, mutually connected, passionate relationship.”
Engage in physical touch to make her feel loved. Physical touch can not only improve your communication with your girlfriend, it can make her feel special, relaxed, and emotionally close to you. Try holding her hand in public, hugging her, or putting your arm around her shoulders to let her know you’re there for her. If this is the first time you’re holding your girlfriend’s hand or hugging her, ask her if it would be okay first.
Support your girlfriend so she can make her dreams come true. Whether your girlfriend wants to become the president of the country or own a bakery, providing emotional and logistical support can be a great way to show her you love and appreciate her. Try to be there for her and be a stable and loving presence in her life so she can fulfill her goals. You might ask her where she got the idea for her dream or offer to take other things off her plate (like chores or child care) so she can carry out her plans.
Make your girlfriend feel loved and respected during arguments. In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to say something you don’t really mean. However, this can hurt your partner’s feelings and make them feel unheard. Try not to call her names or insult her, and instead try to express how she makes you feel. Use “I statements” like “I feel hurt when you shut down our conversations” or “I feel alone in our relationship when you say I’m not doing enough to support you.” Try to avoid using absolute words like “always” or “never” (like “You never take out the garbage”)—these can make your partner feel unappreciated and unseen. Try to replace sarcasm with gentle language and apologize if you say something that hurts her feelings as soon as possible.
Be proud of her accomplishments and brag about her success. Praising your girlfriend’s best qualities, strengths, and achievements to others shows that you care deeply about her and that you built a relationship based on respect and appreciation. After all, you started dating her for a reason! As you talk to others, try to check yourself regularly to make sure you’re talking about your girlfriend in a positive way. Remind yourself how much you love and appreciate her. If you talk about something your girlfriend did (like not washing the dishes or ignoring your texts) to someone else, it might be a sign that you need to have a conversation with her about it.
Being Generous and Affectionate With Her
Give her a gift you know she’ll enjoy and cherish. A good gift involves some sacrifice, whether it’s money or time, and shows that you understand your girlfriend through and through. Show her you care regularly with small gifts, like flowers or her favorite candy. Relationship expert Joshua Pompey says “Sometimes just even a framed picture of a great memory can be infinitely more… satisfying to someone than spending $300 or $200 on a pair of airpods because they want it.” You can also surprise her with a gift that shows her you’re thinking about her, like a postcard from somewhere you visited or a flower from your garden. On holidays and other important events, try to get a bigger present that you know she’ll love, like movie tickets, jewelry, or a photo album of her life.
Surprise her with her favorite meal or breakfast in bed. Food is a language of love and can be a great way to show her that she’s everything to you. You can also bring her lunch or a coffee while she’s working, eat dinner outside together, or make her lunch with a sweet note inside that will make her smile on her break. Relationship Coach Collette Gee says that “showing up at your partner's workplace and taking them out for lunch” or “planning an impromptu picnic” can be great random acts of kindness to you for your partner. For a simple but sweet breakfast in bed, make her favorite morning meal, pour her a cup of coffee (or whatever drink she loves), and write a love note to go along with it.
Try to take her out on a date once a week. Spending at least 2 hours a week on dates can make her happy and improve your relationship. Dates also allow you to have fun together and engage in activities you both enjoy. Make a reservation at a fancy restaurant, go to a festival, or engage in an outdoor activity like hiking or kayaking. Pompey says “When you're with somebody you need to put the effort in.” One way to do this is by “Planning dates that show that you are paying attention to what your partner is interested in and what she likes.” Dates don’t have to be expensive and extravagant to make her feel loved! You can take her to a coffee shop, cook a meal together, go to a museum or art exhibit, or play a board game. Other romantic dates include going to the beach, having a DIY spa day, stargazing, seeing a comedy show, taking a cooking class, or watching movies in bed together.
Give her love and affection through massages. Not only can massages improve her mental and physical well-being, they can reduce stress and give you a way to show more affection towards her. Rub her sore shoulders after a long day, or let her lie face-down on the bed, rub lotion all over her back, and gently massage out those knots. Set the mood by turning on a dim light, playing gentle relaxing music, or lighting a scented candle that would make your girlfriend feel relaxed. Rub her back and arms with circular motions or long, smooth strokes along each muscle. Use your thumbs in areas where you need more pressure, like on the arches of her feet.
Plan a trip somewhere she’d love to visit. Every once in a while (maybe twice a year or more), plan a trip for just the two of you. Make it a weekend getaway or go on an adventure in another country you know she wants to visit. Make sure she’s available, then buy the plane tickets (if necessary), book a hotel (or a spot at a campground), and go! Make a list of all the things you and your girlfriend would like to see or do the most. Prioritize those, and pencil in extra time for wandering and exploring the area! Travel can not only give you two a break from stressors at home, but it can open you up to new experiences and make you more flexible and appreciative when you come back.
Maintaining Open and Honest Communication
Listen actively when your girlfriend talks to you. Showing that you listen to what your girlfriend says can make her feel loved and valued. Try to actively listen with your entire body by holding her eye contact, leaning forward, nodding along, and putting away your phone or other distractions while she’s talking to you. Summarize what she’s saying to make sure you’re understanding her. You can say something like, “It sounds like you worked all night to finish this project and you don’t feel appreciated for it. Is that right?” Validate what your girlfriend is saying by acknowledging what she’s going through and asking more questions about how you can support her or make her feel better. You might say something like, “I’m sorry you had a rough day. Would you like me to cook dinner tonight? Or we could watch your favorite movie?” When you notice that your girlfriend is less talkative or happy than usual, gently ask her how she’s feeling or if there’s anything that’s bothering her.
Remind her that you love her and you're happy to be with her. Telling your girlfriend that you love her and value her presence in your life can reinforce that you’re there for her and that she matters deeply to you. Wear your heart on your sleeve and try to tell her how much she means to you every day. If you haven’t said “I love you” yet, show your love in other ways through acts of service, affection, quality time, or gifts. You might get her a coffee while you’re doing errands because you know she loves it, take over one of the items on her to-do list, or sit and watch her favorite show with her. Barrett says to make your girlfriend feel like your number one, tell her that she’s beautiful or send her a flirty text message throughout the day.
Compliment your girlfriend to make her feel valued and appreciated. Giving your girlfriend genuine compliments can increase her feelings towards you (and vice versa) and foster intimacy. Try to compliment her on something more than her outfit or hair—tell her you adore how passionate she is about a hobby or you love how kind she is. Begin each compliment with the words “I appreciate,” “I value,” or “I like,” and follow it with exactly what she did that you liked or what you like about her. You might say “I appreciate how kind and thoughtful you are when you ask my friends how they’re doing. I can tell they really like you.”
Show your girlfriend you’re committed to her no matter what. True loyalty is all about cherishing each other and establishing a deep sense of trust. Remember that commitment is an obligation, not a choice—try to stick with her during difficult times and avoid talking about her behind her back. Betrayal doesn’t just include cheating—it might also include not defending your partner when someone makes a hurtful joke or telling others her deepest secrets.
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