20 Signs You're in a Flirtationship (& What to Do About It)

What is a flirtationship?

A flirtationship is a flirtatious friendship that doesn't go any further. This is someone that you would normally be romantically or sexually attracted to, but the two of you are just friends—you don't have, and have never had, a romantic or sexual relationship. There aren't really "rules" to being in a flirtationship. The nature of the beast is that it's a sort of weird, complicated thing that exists but you don't really talk about it. Part of the uncertainty of a flirtationship lies in how unreliable flirting is. Research shows that people don't even notice when someone is flirting with them more than 75% of the time. As long as a flirtationship feels good, there's nothing to worry about. Flirtationships can make you feel more attractive and boost your self-esteem. A flirtationship can sour, though, if one of you wants something more and the other isn't interested. It can also cause problems if either of you is in a romantic relationship with someone else.

A flirtationship can be the first stage of a romantic relationship. A 2025 study showed that college students used flirty friendship as the first stage of a romantic relationship, before the "talking" or "just talking" stage when they started to seriously think about the potential for a relationship. During this stage, a potential couple will just hang out together, basically as friends, and get to know each other. They'll flirt with each other and tease each other, but that's about as far as anything goes. This gives people a safe, low-pressure way to get to know each other before they decide if they want to make the emotional investment of taking things to the next level.

20 Signs You're in a Flirtationship

You flirt with this person a lot and they flirt back. A key aspect of a flirtationship, as in any -ationship, is mutuality. You flirt with them, they recognize that you're flirting with them and flirt with you in return. It's a seemingly endless cycle of flirtation that both of you really enjoy. Typically, you never directly address any of this flirting. It's just something that happens. You might even feel like talking about it would "break the spell," so to speak. Because you're close friends with the person, the uncertainty that typically accompanies flirting is gone—you know they're not going to reject you (but you also know things aren't going to go any further).

Your flirting techniques resemble those of a middle-schooler. The flirting that goes on in a flirtationship is often a little on the immature side. Think slapping and poking each other or sticking your tongue out. For example, if you're in a flirtationship with a coworker, you might engage in a mock fight as you pass each other in the hall at work. This might be in part because you feel a little like a kid when you're around them.

You say sweet things about them all of the time. The foundation of a flirtationship is friendship, after all, and friends say sweet things about each other. And you're good friends, the kind of friends who tell each other when your pants make your butt look good.

You know really oddly specific things about them. This one is more likely to apply if you've known them for a while. Everybody knows a lot about their friends, but you know stuff that a lot of people don't even know about members of their own family—stuff like their middle name, their shoe size, their coffee order, or how old they were when they had their first kiss.

You know where they are and what they're doing almost always. It's not that you're necessarily checking in with each other all the time, it's just that you text a lot and when you're together you talk a lot. You know what's going on in each other's lives. When you've got something big, they'll probably be dropping you words of encouragement before and following up after to ask how it went.

You have at least one photo of them on your phone. Let's face it, probably more than that, plus a few selfies of the two of you. Bonus points if they're featured as your wallpaper or they've ever been included in your profile pics on social media. Speaking of phones, can you unlock each other's phones? That's definitely flirtationship territory.

You have at least one in-joke that everyone else thinks is lame. This is another one for the longer-term flirtationship couples. You've got that one-liner that gets you both howling with laughter and no one else can understand why it's funny. "Sorry, guess you had to be there," you'll choke out between peals of laughter.

You have special nicknames for each other. Usually, it's a nickname that presents itself in an organic way, sort of spontaneously. It's definitely not something that's planned or done intentionally, and you're the only ones who use it. For example, if your friend reminds you of a fictional character, you might call them by the character's name.

You have a "secret" handshake or fistbump. This goes right along with special nicknames, although you can have one or the other or both and they can happen at the same time or at different times. Special or secret greetings also play into the childlike element of your flirtation.

You text each other random stuff constantly throughout the day. Do you text them pics when you're out with other friends? Send them links to every funny video or meme you see? If you'd have to scroll your messages for 5 minutes just to get to the texts from yesterday, you might be in a flirtationship. It's also totally possible that if you're not texting, you're calling, and if you're neither texting nor calling, it's because you're hanging out together.

Your texts include lots of emojis. When you use a lot of emojis, it's usually because you're trying to express yourself emotionally and make some kind of connection with the person you're texting. You want to be agreeable so they'll like you, and research shows people who use emojis seem more agreeable. But these aren't just any emojis—you use the flirty ones ????????❤️

You've cuddled at least once and it wasn't weird. And it probably happened in this really organic, natural way. Maybe you were watching TV together and ended up leaning on them with their arm around you—nobody moved and nobody said anything about it, but it definitely felt nice.

You call each other work spouses and nobody cares. You're close friends, but you're also more than that, right? If you're coworkers, you might say they're your work spouse. If you know them some other way, you might refer to them as your platonic life partner. Regardless, people know that yours is more than the average friendship. This is the kind of friendship that could potentially cause problems if either of you is currently in a romantic relationship with someone else. Even though the significant other might say they're cool with it, they'll likely still suspect that there's more to it than meets the eye.

Your other friends don't understand your relationship. They assume you've hooked up and are flabbergasted when you tell them you haven't. Or they look over at you and groan after you've mentioned that person's name for the fifth time and ask when the two of you are just going to get it over with and hook up. To them, it's likely obvious that there's chemistry between the two of you. If you're single and there aren't any other obvious reasons why you shouldn't date, it's a mystery to them that you're not. Of course, you might also feel more comfortable in a flirtationship and not be ready to take things to the next level yet—and that's okay too!

Random people assume you're a couple when you're out together. "What?! Us?!" Cue awkward laughter. Sound familiar? The thing about being in a flirtationship is that your chemistry is palpable. When you're out and about together, people definitely think you're together together.

You've worn their clothes before, no biggie. There might've been that one time they let you wear their hoodie because you were cold, or that time they let you borrow a t-shirt because you accidentally spilled coffee on yours. They offered without thinking and you accepted without a second thought. You also might have kept anything of theirs you borrowed for a little longer than you really needed to—as in, you conveniently forgot their hoodie at your house for a week before you finally gave it back. Bonus points if you went to give them something back and they told you that you could just keep it.

You've gone out of town with them before. This is a big one, but if you've been in a flirtationship for a while? Chances are you went on an overnight trip together at some point. It wasn't a romantic trip and it might not even have been just the two of you, but there may have been some rumors about the two of you afterward. If they were born somewhere else, it's also possible that they've taken you on a tour of their hometown.

You know each other's families. This is more likely if you've known each other for a while and if your families live in the same area. You know them the same way any of their other friends know them. If they have siblings around the same age, you might even have hung out with their siblings without them before. It's likely a common assumption that the two of you are going to eventually "settle down" with each other. There might be members of either family who have a running bet on when the two of you will finally make it official.

You have stuff over at their place. If you're out late, you might end up crashing on their couch just so you don't have to drive home tired. It's only natural that you might leave a t-shirt and some pajama pants over there, maybe even a toothbrush. But it's just for the sake of convenience. They might keep your favorite soda in their fridge or make sure they have your favorite mouthwash as well (also just for the sake of convenience).

They have basically everything you're looking for in a partner. And yet, for some reason you just can't see yourself with them. You've probably even thought about it, but no—it just doesn't feel right somehow. The flip side of this coin is also possible: You see a future with them, but they're only interested in friendship. How this plays out depends on the specific circumstances of your flirtationship. For example, it wouldn't feel right to go any further with a flirtationship involving a coworker who also had a romantic partner. At the same time, that almost forbidden nature can make a flirtationship that much hotter (while also soothing your guilty conscience that you're not actually cheating or violating company policies).

Can a flirtationship turn into a "real" relationship?

Absolutely, a flirtationship can turn into something more. If you're thinking that you'd like to push your flirty friendship to the next level, start by saying and doing things that promote emotional bonding. Building that deeper connection will help the two of you become closer. Then, you're ready to talk to them about taking things to the next level. Studies show many people actually consider the flirtationship stage to be the first of four stages in a romantic relationship. This is a time for you to get to know someone better and see if they might have potential as a romantic partner. Because the two of you don't really talk about the state of your relationship, this can be an awkward thing to bring up. A private conversation somewhere quiet is best. For example, you might say something like, "I've been thinking. You know how everybody always says we'd make such a cute couple? Well, why don't we find out?" There's always a possibility that the other person doesn't consider you relationship material at all—they just consider you safe (and fun) to flirt with. If you're not sure, try to figure this out before you launch into this talk.

Pros and Cons of Flirtationships

Pros A flirtationship can be quite a self-esteem boost, especially if you compliment each other a lot. Plus, research has shown that mutual flirtation can reduce stress. It can also make you feel attractive, which definitely feels good. You might even start to get a little bit of a bounce in your step—almost, but not quite, like falling in love. That's the effect of those feel-good hormones flirting triggers your body to release.

Cons If either of you is in a romantic relationship with someone else, your flirtationship might constitute emotional cheating and could cause problems in that relationship. Even if a significant other claims they're not bothered by your relationship, they still might be building up resentment about it. Even if you're both single, flirtationships are mired in uncertainty. You never know where you stand or how the other person really feels about you. All of that uncertainty can really wreak havoc on your self-esteem, especially if you're potentially interested in the person romantically or sexually. If you or the person you're in a flirtationship with is emotionally unavailable, trying to push your relationship any further could likely end in heartbreak.

Should you end your flirtationship?

End the flirtationship if it's hurting you or frustrating you. Look, if your flirtationship is making both of you happy and it's not hurting anyone, go for it! But if you find yourself pining for something more or if you're starting to resent them for not considering you actual partner material, it might be time to cut it off. A flirtationship is supposed to be a light, fun thing that adds joy to your life. If it's no longer doing that, it's probably time for the relationship to change in some way. Another thing you can think about is whether you're flirting with intention or flirting just to flirt. If you're flirting with intention and they're flirting just to flirt (or vice versa), that's not likely to end well.

Ending a Flirtationship

Allow it to fizzle out naturally. A lot of flirtationships will simply lose steam on their own with the passage of time, especially if neither of you is really pushing for the relationship to develop any further. This might not be the most efficient way to end a flirtationship, but it probably requires the least amount of effort. It also feels really organic to just let the relationship evolve on its own as it will. If that's something you appreciate, this might be the way you want to go. This is also a good strategy if there's a natural endpoint to your flirtationship—for example, if you're in school and about to leave campus for the summer.

Stop flirting with the person or flirting back when they flirt with you. To some extent, how you end a flirtationship depends on your relationship with the person before the flirtationship started. But one thing is universal—if you want to end a flirtationship, you have to stop flirting. It might feel a little dull at first, but after a while it will start to feel natural and those feelings you had will dissipate. You might even feel a little sad that you have to stop flirting with them—especially if they were a lot of fun to flirt with! But remind yourself that this little pinch of sadness is nothing compared to the heartbreak of ending a full-blown romantic relationship.

Have an open conversation with your flirtationship partner. One of the hallmarks of a flirtationship is that you don't really talk about the status of your relationship. But if you were previously flirting with someone pretty heavily and you just stop one day, they're likely to notice and wonder why. They might even ask you about it. If they do, it's a good time to define the relationship. While this might not be at the level of a full-on "DTR" talk that you'd have with someone you were dating, it's still helpful to set boundaries so you won't have any misunderstandings or hurt feelings moving forward. Use "I" language to keep the focus on your feelings rather than making it seem like you're blaming them for anything. For example, if you want to move to the next level romantically but the person you're in a flirtationship with doesn't, you might say, "I enjoy flirting with you but I want more, I feel rejected when we flirt because I know you don't want to take it any further." Given that flirtationships are often marked by a total lack of communication, this conversation could definitely set the stage for a healthier relationship—whatever direction it heads in.