Working Out Your Feelings
Confirm your pregnancy. Before you feel the need to discuss it with anybody, you should confirm that you are pregnant. There is no need to have this conversation until you know for sure. If you have missed a period, and/or are experiencing other symptoms, go ahead and take a pregnancy test. Some pregnancy tests can be taken up to five days prior to your missed period, but these are not as accurate. For best results, wait until you have missed your period, then take an over-the-counter test. You can also see your doctor to take a urine or blood test.
Reflect on how you feel. Becoming pregnant after a one night stand might come as a shock. As this news begins to sink in, spend a little time processing this information and seeing how you feel. You may experience a range of emotions as you consider how to proceed. Spend some time journaling and/or talking to a close friend in order to sort out what you are feeling. There is no need to tell the person who’ve slept with right away.
Consider your options. You have at least one decision to make. You need to decide whether or not you will proceed with the pregnancy. If you do choose to proceed, you will need to decide how involved you would like the other parent to be. Ultimately, this is your decision. You may want their feedback or not. Whatever the case, you should decide (at least tentatively) how you feel before speaking to him. Some of your options include: Having an abortion. Seeking an adoption. Keeping the baby and including the father. Keeping the baby on your own.
Communicating Effectively
Plan what you want to say. Anytime you are faced with an important conversation, it can be helpful to spend some time planning and practicing what you want to say. Take out some paper and a pen and write down everything you need to communicate. Keep your communication direct and to the point, and include all relevant info. Then practice speaking these words out loud. Some things you might say, include: ”I missed my period and I am pregnant.” ”I have already taken a pregnancy test and I’m sure.” ”I already know what I want to do,” or “I’m not really sure what I want to do,” or “I think I know what I should do, but I wanted your input.” ”I am positive that you are the father,” or “I’m pretty sure that you are the father.” ”I thought it was important for you to know.”
Set up a time to meet. Tell him that you need to talk to him and that you’d like to do it in person. You might suggest going for a walk (some place public) or for a coffee (some place quiet). If he asks why, tell him that you are in company and can't talk at the moment. If he agrees, arrange a suitable venue and time. Be aware that he may think you are calling him to follow up on the night you spent together. The reception you receive may be cold if that's not what he wants. If he refuses to meet up in person, you may need to tell him over the phone.
Speak clearly. When you meet with him, speak your words loud and clear, so that you do not need to repeat yourself. After some brief small talk, go ahead and cut to the chase. It can be helpful to bring a note card with what you plan to say printed on it. This way, you will not get nervous and forget what you have planned. You can just come right out and say, “I’m pregnant and I thought that you should know.”
Be ready for a range of reactions. Remember, you have had a little bit of time to process this information, and this will likely catch him off-guard. He might be confused, angry, or in denial. He might immediately offer his support. He may exhibit numerous reactions/emotions at the same time. Try to give him a moment to process the information. His first reaction might not indicate how he truly feels. If he is angry, explain that you can talk at a later date, or simply walk away. He might contact you after he has calmed down. If he is kind and understanding, you may choose to discuss your options and feelings with him. You might suggest a follow-up meeting a week or so in the future – acknowledging that you've had more time to think things over than him. Ultimately, what you do is your decision.
Deciding What You Will Do
Manage your stress. Depending on numerous factor, this might be a stressful process. Regardless of whether or not you plan to proceed with the pregnancy, your health is in a sensitive state. You need to take care of yourself. After you speak with him, take some time and space to process your thoughts and manage your stress. Do some self-care activities, like getting a massage, taking a bath, journaling, or treating yourself to a snack. Talk to someone like a friend, trusted family member, or a therapist. Get plenty of rest.
Make a decision. After you’ve spoken to him and done some reflecting, you might be ready to make a decision. Maybe you’ve known all along what you wanted to do, or perhaps you haven’t been sure. Think about the realities of having a child and whether or not you have the desire and/or means to do so. Additionally, consider your personal beliefs and emotions. In general, you have four options to choose from. You may: Choose to terminate the pregnancy. Choose to put the child up for adoption. Choose to continue with the pregnancy and co-parent with the father. Choose to continue with the pregnancy and raise the child on your own or with your family’s help.
Consult a doctor. Once you know how you plan to proceed, consult with a doctor. Whether you are continuing with the pregnancy or not, a doctor can provide you with valuable resources and advice. Make an appointment with an OBGYN for a consultation, and take it from there.
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