How to Fool Your Parents Into Thinking You're Good

Proving that You’re a Good Kid

Fulfill your parents’ expectations. Cover the basics: be polite, do your chores, and maintain good grades at school. If you’re having trouble in a particular class, study that much harder. Prove to them that your trouble isn’t due to a lack of effort. Keep it up when you’re alone. Do your chores and homework when they’re out of the house. Provide evidence that your alone-time is spent productively and responsibly. Inspire trust that you can be left alone without causing any worries. If you have any younger sibling(s) take care of them.

Volunteer for more responsibilities. Show your parents that you think about family and how you can make things better for them. Offer to do more around the house or, even better, just do it and surprise them. Prove to them that you are both mature and considerate toward others.

Engage your parents. Ask about their day. Ask about their own experiences as kids. Show concern about their well-being and interest in their own lives. Make them feel appreciated and loved. Set aside your cellphone when you engage them. Show them that they have your full attention. If you receive a call, check who it is and set your phone back down. Show your parents that they’re a priority in your life.

Show gratitude. Acknowledge the nice things they do for you. Show them that you appreciate the time, effort, and/or money they spend in trying to make you happy. Show gratitude even if the nice thing they do is something you could really do without. If your parents buy season tickets for the local baseball team without realizing that you hate baseball, you don’t have to pretend to love the game, but you should still make a point of thanking them for the effort that they’ve made. Showing appreciation even when you’re disappointed will help ensure that they’ll do the same if and when you disappoint them.

Make them proud in front of others. Be on your best behavior in public. Parents feel judged by others when their kids act up. Bolster their self-esteem by being polite and attentive to other adults.

Be consistent. Behave at school and elsewhere exactly as you would at home. Keep your parents’ image of you intact by ensuring that no teacher or other adult breaks it.

Asking for What You Want

Ask first. Avoid getting into trouble for doing something that your parents might have allowed if you had only asked for permission. Say a friend is having a party at their house while their parents are out of town; some parents might say no to this, but others may be persuaded to say yes. Consider your situation and whether or not your parents are likely to be persuaded.

Ask when your parents are in a good mood. If they’re already mad, worried, or otherwise stressed about something else, wait for a time when they’re less likely to dismiss you with an instant no. Seize the opportunity when they’re more relaxed and willing to consider your proposal.

Ask if they have a minute. If they say no, wait for when they have more time to hear you out. If you do have to wait, open again by asking if they have a minute. Let them know that you expect to have a conversation, not an instant one-word answer. Increase their likelihood of saying yes by letting them know that they don’t have to answer immediately.

Give them time to think. Tell your parents that you don’t expect an answer this minute. Invite them to talk it over or sleep on the idea. Acknowledge that they might have concerns about your proposal and, by doing so, prove yourself to be both mature and considerate toward others.

Make a bargain. If your parents still seem indecisive or leaning toward “no,” volunteer to do extra chores or accept other responsibilities. Show them you’re mature enough to work for something that you really want. Or, make compromises. Propose the same conditions that you expect they would stipulate before they can: give your own curfew, for example, or promise to call every hour.

Lying to Your Parents

Use the truth to tell a lie. If you do have to go behind your parents’ back, avoid all the work that goes into a) coming up with a false story, b) telling it convincingly, c) coaching all your friends and collaborators in the same lie to back you up, and d) worrying about whether it will hold together. Instead, lie by omission when needed. Tell your parents what’s true and acceptable to them, and leave out what isn’t. For instance, if you’re going to your friend’s party while their parents are out of town, tell your parents only that you’re going over to your friend’s house. Don’t mention the party or that their parents are away. Although it’s not the whole truth, what you’ve said is technically true, so you’re less likely to give yourself away with nervous tics and tells.

Misdirect with indirect answers. If your parents ask you a direct question that you can’t answer truthfully, avoid a direct answer. Instead, offer them a true statement that only seems to answer their question. Say your parents ask if your friend is a good kid. You know that, by their definition of “good,” the answer is no. Your friend smokes cigarettes, drinks beer, and sneaks out of his house at night. But despite all that, your friend’s a straight-A student. So, to answer your parents' question, simply answer, “He’s a straight-A student.”

Anticipate your parents’ questions. Ask yourself what they’re likely to ask you. Have an answer ready when they do. Avoid having to come up with a lie on the spot.

Handling Getting Caught

Act mature. Alleviate your parents’ disappointment by behaving like an adult. Avoid making a scene, blaming others, or acting defensively.

Accept responsibility. Acknowledge that you did the wrong thing. This will assure your parents that, despite having been “bad,” you still know the difference between bad and good. Admitting to your bad behavior won’t win you any prizes, but your parents will likely see it as an example of good behavior, which will lessen their disappointment in you.

Apologize. Say the words: “I’m sorry.” Acknowledge the fact that you’ve disappointed your parents and ask them to forgive you. Repair the bonds between you by making the moment about all of you instead of just you.

Propose a solution. Assure your parents that you’ll behave differently in the future. Offer ways to make up for what you’ve already done.. Anticipate how they would likely punish you and offer the idea as if it was your own. Prove to them that earning their trust back is important to you.