- Find out the details of your blind date beforehand, like when and where it is and how to recognize your date.
- Keep your expectations neutral and go in with an open mind to avoid disappointment.
- Ask open-ended questions, but talk about yourself, too. Don’t make your date feel like an interview!
Planning Your Blind Date
Make sure you trust the person setting you up. Whoever sets up your blind date needs to know you well enough to understand what you’re looking for in a partner. They should also be someone who seems like they’d have fun, interesting friends. Make sure they’re capable of setting you up with someone you’re compatible with. If you know your close friends have the same social circle as you and might not be able to set you up with someone new, try asking a friend of a friend. Communication is key. If you’re worried your matchmaker doesn’t know what you want, let them know ahead of time. Tell them about your likes, dislikes, and most importantly, your values so they’re more likely to set you up with someone you’ll click with. Feel free to tell them what you’re physically attracted to, as well, but remember there are more important things in a potential partner than their looks!
Find out the logistics of your date beforehand. This includes time, location, and how to recognize your date. For a blind date, it’s best to keep things short in case you don’t click, and it’s always a good idea to meet in public for your safety. Ask to see a photo of your date, or if you want to go in completely blind, ask your matchmaker what they’ll be wearing so you can find them. To be safe on a first date, always choose a public location. Opt for a restaurant, bar, park, movie theater, or anywhere well-lit and populated. If you want to do something more interesting than dinner and a movie, choose a date location that encourages conversation. Visit the aquarium, a karaoke bar, or even attend a dance or cooking class! There are a ton of first date ideas to choose from. Set a specific start and end time for your date. Give yourself plenty of time to get there, and choose an end time that allows you to linger if you want to keep talking with your date. Remember, a bad date that’s too long is worse than a good date that’s too short! If you like your date, you can always see them again.
Talk to your date on the phone before meeting in person. You may need to communicate with your date to figure out what you’d like to do, but even if your matchmaker coordinates the logistics, it’s a good idea to chat with your date for a few minutes. Ask them a few basic questions like where they’re from or what they like to do on the weekend. That way, when you talk to the person on your date, you’ll have a conversation to reference. While a brief phone call is okay, avoid doing a bunch of research about your date. The more you know in advance, the more biased you’ll be, and you want to go into a blind date with an open mind. If you don’t want to talk to your date beforehand, ask your matchmaker how well they know them. If they don’t know them that well, do a brief background check if you’re worried about your safety.
Getting Ready for Your Blind Date
Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. Don’t feel the need to try out a new outfit when getting ready for the date. Wear something that you know you like and that you know looks good. Dress appropriately for the activity you’re doing on your date. Wear athletic clothes if you’re going hiking or more formal wear if you’re going out to an expensive restaurant. When you look good, you feel good. Wearing something you’re comfortable in helps boost your confidence, and it’s one less thing to stress about if you’re nervous for your date.
Have realistic expectations. Don’t go into your blind date expecting the perfect partner. Your blind date might pleasantly surprise you, or you might not have as much in common as you hoped. When you start thinking about your expectations for the date, turn your mind to something else immediately. Rather than wondering if the date is going to be amazing or horrible, aim to have zero expectations. Expecting to meet your perfect partner puts unnecessary pressure on the date and will likely leave you disappointed at the end of it. Be open to making a new friend if the romantic chemistry isn’t there.
Create an emergency escape plan. Do not stay at your blind date if the person is rude, mean, or otherwise extremely unpleasant. In the unfortunate case of an emergency, rehearse what you’re going to say. Maybe your roommate is sick, or your landlord called with an urgent issue regarding your apartment. It’s good to have an emergency plan in case the date goes horribly awry. If you aren’t driving yourself to the date, make sure you also have a safe way to get home. Take public transportation or an Uber, or have a friend or family member on standby to come pick you up.
Calm your nerves and forget your insecurities. It’s perfectly reasonable to be nervous before a first date, but don’t let it get the better of you. If you start worrying about what your date will think of you, do something that calms you, whether that’s meditating, going for a walk, or reading your favorite book. Remember that everyone gets nervous, and your date probably feels the same way! Focus on all of your good qualities rather than worrying about what they might not like. No matter how nervous you are, avoid drinking alcohol before your date. Make sure you’re sober and can think clearly so you can make good choices and properly determine if you’re interested in your date.
Going on Your Blind Date
Arrive on time and make a good first impression. If you show up late, your date might think you’re rude or that you don’t care about the date. Arrive at the agreed time and greet them warmly. Be sure to smile, make eye contact, and offer them a handshake or a friendly hug if you’re both comfortable. If you’re already seated when your date arrives, be sure to stand up when you greet them.
Be open-minded. You can’t judge a book by its cover. Even if your date isn’t someone you’re initially attracted to, keep a positive attitude and see where the date goes. By the end of the night, you could change your mind! Remember, your date is probably nervous, too, and they might open up more as the date goes on. As long as they aren’t being rude, try not to judge them too harshly right away.
Ask open-ended questions about your date. Ask your date questions without “yes” or “no” answers so that they don’t feel like they’re being interrogated. Remember, this is a date, not an interview! Make conversation and get to know their personality and lifestyle. See if your date likes the same things that you do, or if your date could introduce you to something you’ve always wanted to try. Here’s a list of questions to get you started: What do you like to do on weekends? What is one thing on your bucket list? What’s the best book you’ve read in the past six months? What in your life are you proud of? “What do you do? Do you enjoy your job?” “What is your best friend like?” “Do you want to try some of my food?” “Are you a morning person?” “Do you have roommates? Who are they?”
Talk about yourself. Your date is here to get to know you, too. Give them realistic information about yourself, your life, your interests, and your thoughts. Don’t dominate the conversation, but do express yourself as you would in typical conversations with friends or potential partners. Find connections between your date and yourself. Remember, there are a few topics people generally like to avoid on first dates. Don’t talk about your ex, and save conversations about politics and religion for a later date. Avoid complaining, as well. Keep the conversation light, as you don’t want your date to think you’re a pessimist. Feel free to change the topic if they start complaining, as well.
Practice active listening skills and watch your body language. Make eye contact with your date, smile, and practice good posture. Nod at what the other person is saying, and avoid crossing your arms or looking around the room frequently. Body language is key to showing your date you’re paying attention and are interested in what they have to say. Occasionally, summarize what the other person says and show an interest in the other person’s interests. For example, you could say, “It sounds like you have a great relationship with your mother! When was the last time you saw her?” Or, “You seem like you really love your job. How did you get interested in public service?” Don’t interrupt when your date is talking. Even if you find the topic boring, let them finish what they were saying and then politely change the subject.
Don’t panic during awkward silences. Just because you aren’t talking doesn’t mean a moment is awkward! Feel free to take a few seconds and reflect on what’s happened so far. If you feel that the silence is awkward, have a backup list of open-ended questions (see above) to ask your date. The silence is probably much shorter than you think it is.
Look for cues on how to end the date. Start thinking about that end-of-date moment before it actually happens. Do you want a handshake, a hug, a kiss? Read, too, the signals that your date gives you throughout the date. Do they sit close to you, or do they seem like they’re in a hurry to leave? Whatever happens at the end of the date should be something you’re both comfortable with. If your date makes an unwanted advance, just step away and say no. You don’t owe your date any physical contact. If you accidentally make an unwanted advance on your date, don’t panic. Apologize for reading the situation incorrectly and continue talking with your date.
Tell your date if you want to see them again. If you’re interested in continuing to get to know your date, get their number and call them within a couple of days. You can also follow up with a short and sweet text thanking them for a nice evening or ask them for a second date.
Handling a Bad Blind Date
Politely excuse yourself. While it’s usually best to see an awkward date through, if you really want to end the date early, be nice about it. Remember the escape plans you made earlier, or wrap up the conversation when it reaches a natural stopping point.
Be honest about next steps. If you don’t want to see your date again, tell them that you had a nice time and that you hope they have a good rest of their evening. Don’t be overtly cruel about rejecting someone, but don’t feel as though you have to give them false hope by saying you want to see them again when you don’t. If you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship, try saying something like “I had a great time tonight and think we could be great friends.” Or, “I had a nice time tonight. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!”
Don’t let a bad date hurt your self-esteem. Maybe you just didn’t hit it off with this person or maybe blind dates aren’t for you—that’s okay! Having a bad first date doesn’t reflect negatively on you or your personality, and it takes time to meet the right person. Reflect on what you’re looking for and get back out there when you’re ready. Don’t put all the blame on your date, either. Unless your date was particularly rude, it likely wasn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes, people just don’t have chemistry, and that’s okay!
Don’t complain to your matchmaker. Your friend may have set the date up, but they’re not responsible for how it turned out. Plus, they’re probably friends with your date, too, so you might offend them if you complain. Instead, thank them for the experience and let them know you don’t think it’s going to work out.
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