Finding Potential Friends
Follow people who interest you on social media. Look for people who share your interests on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and other social media platforms, and follow their accounts. These can be people who you find when searching for hashtags, or people who comment on your posts. For example, if you’re really into fashion, you might follow someone else who’s into fashion and frequently posts images of their outfits. Or, if you are a fan of baking, you could follow someone who posts images of things they bake.
Join a niche interest forum or group online. There are many ways to connect with people who share your interests online, and this is a great way to meet people who would make good friends for you. If you already know you have a shared interest, you’ll have something to talk about and bond over right away. Find online groups on social media, such as on Facebook, or special interest forums on websites, such as Reddit. Meetup.com is another great option for finding people who share your interests. For example, if you’re an avid knitter, join a knitting forum on Reddit or Facebook, or look for a group that meets locally on Meetup.com. If you love to identify birds while hiking, then join a bird enthusiast group through Facebook or Meetup.com.Tip: If possible, try to find a group meant for people in your area. This will make it easier to meet up if you decide to take your friendship with someone offline.
Talk to people in video games you play regularly. If you’re a gamer and you play certain games regularly, using a headset to chat with people in the game is a great way to meet people who might become your friends. Join in the voice chat often when you play games. Popular video games where you might meet people include Fortnite, Overwatch, World of Warcraft, and DOTA. You can also meet other gamers by watching people who stream on Twitch and participating in the chat. Make sure to be respectful when you participate in a voice chat. Avoid making rude comments if someone makes a mistake or using inappropriate language, which could get you banned or blocked from the voice chat.
Make a profile on a friend-dating app or website. Friend-dating is a way of finding people who you connect with similar to how you might look for a significant other. There are numerous friend-dating apps available that make it easy to find and connect with people who share your interests. Find an app that works for your goals in finding friends and make a profile on it to start meeting people. Some apps you might consider include: Bumble BFF Friender ATHLETO (for people looking for friends who want to play sports with them) Peanut (for moms seeking other mom friends) Hey! VINA (for women seeking other women for friends) Meet My Dog (for people seeking fellow dog owner friends)
Getting a Conversation Going
Leave positive comments on other people’s posts. Saying nice things to people is a great way to get their attention and make yourself stand out from the crowd online. If you’re involved with a special interest forum or group, make nice comments on other people’s posts. Compliment them or ask them questions about their post. For example, if someone you follow on Instagram posts a picture of a new book they’ve just started reading, you might comment something like, “I’ve been wanting to read that! How do you like it so far?” Or, if someone you’re following posts an image of their new haircut, compliment them on it by saying, “Omg! You look amazing!”
Continue your video game chats outside of the game. If you find yourself chatting with certain people regularly in game, ask if they’d like to talk outside of the game sometime. If so, exchange contact information with them to talk more offline, such as by sharing your phone number, social media username, or email address. You could also try exchanging information with them on an app that you can use to chat via text or voice, such as Discord or Facebook Messenger.
Send a message to a potential friend to see if they’d like to talk more. If you find someone who you think you might have things in common with, such as in a friend-finding app or on an online forum, try sending them a private message to see if they’d like to chat with you. Keep it simple and direct for best results. For example, you might write something like, “Hey, I was checking out your profile and it seems like we have a lot in common. Send me a message if you think so, too!”
Ask interesting questions to keep the conversation going. It’s great to ask the usual getting-to-know you questions when you first start talking with someone, but if you’ve already exhausted the basics, you might want to start asking more in-depth questions. Try to focus the questions on your shared interest. For example, some questions you might ask someone who regularly plays the same video game as you include: Who’s you’re favorite character in this video game? What was your first reaction to the game when it came out? What do you think of the new expansion?
Find out if the person wants to meet in-person if you live near each other. After you’ve talked with the person a few times, you might decide that you’d like to spend time with them in-person. This is important for deepening your friendship with them, but it can take some people longer than others to want to meet up. Ask when you feel ready to meet them in person, but be respectful if they say “no.” Try saying something like, “I’d love to meet for coffee sometime and talk more about movies with you. Are your free this Saturday?”Tip: Keep in mind that if the person turns you down, that doesn’t mean they never want to meet up. Leave it alone for a few weeks and see if they bring it up. If they don’t or they say “no” again after the next time you ask, they might not be interested in meeting in person.
Increasing Your Chances of Success
Participate regularly in multiple online communities. Making friends is sometimes a numbers game, much like dating. That means that the more potential avenues you have for meeting people, the better your chances are of actually meeting someone you like spending time with! Comment and post regularly in the groups that you’ve joined. This will increase your chances of having a positive interaction with someone. People are also much more likely to notice you if you participate in multiple groups.
Balance the time and energy you spend communicating with the person. The amount of time and energy you spend communicating with the person should be equal to the amount of time and energy they invest. If you’re always the one sending the first message, asking all the questions, doing all the talking, or even writing longer responses than them most of the time, the investment is not equal.Tip: A lack of investment on their end might be because they’re not as interested in cultivating a friendship or simply because you’re not a good match. Either way, it’s best to take a step back and take a break from communicating with them for a while.
Share a little about yourself at a time. Overloading the person with information on yourself can be overwhelming to them and it might scare them off. It’s important to share and allow yourself to be vulnerable to build a friendship, but do this a little at a time. Start with the basics about yourself and save your deepest secrets and other more personal information about yourself for another time after you’ve gotten to know each other better. For example, you might start by sharing about where you grew up, what kind of music you like, and what your hobbies are. Then, once you know each other better, you might talk with them about things like career choices, relationship issues, and other personal problems.
Give the other person your full attention when they’re talking. Being a good listener is an essential component of friendship. When you’re friend is talking, make sure to look them in eyes and show interest in what they’re saying. Put away your phone or any other potential distractions when you’re talking with your friend. Some other good listening strategies to adopt include: Nodding to show that you understand what they’re saying. Using leading phrases to show that you’re listening, such as “Right,” “I see,” and “Go on.” Asking questions if something they say is unclear, such as, “What did you mean when you said that you couldn’t play last night?”
Staying Safe
Keep your privacy settings high and think before you post anything. Avoid sharing personal information and passwords with anyone you talk to online. Even if they seem to have a compelling reason why you should, don’t do it! For example, someone might ask for your account password on a game you both play and claim it’s because they want to change your settings to improve your game play. However, giving them your password puts your personal information at risk. Never send money to people you meet online either.
Tell someone where you’re going and when you’ll be home. In general, a certain degree of caution is advisable when meeting up with people you meet online. If you decide to meet the person after getting to know them online and on voice chat, make sure that you tell someone about it. Tell them where you will be, who the person is, and when you will be back. Some other strategies for keeping safe include: Planning to meet up in a public place with lots of people around. Taking a friend or family member with you the first time you meet someone. Arranging to call a friend or family member once you are safely back home.
Avoid drinking alcohol or taking a drink from someone you met online. This is a common factor in sexual assault and rape, so it’s best to avoid drinking alcohol with the person when you’re first getting to know each other. It’s also important to avoid taking an open beverage from them. Don’t drink anything that they prepare or bring to you. Tip: It's fine to just say, "No thanks!" if someone offers you a drink, or you could tell them you're on antibiotics and you can't drink or say you have to get up early the next day. However, if someone pressures you to drink, this is probably a sign that the person might not make a good friend. Better yet, don’t eat or drink anything they give you. You have no idea what the person could be trying to do to you. There could be drugs, poison, or another dangerous substance in the food or drinks this "kind" person could be trying to feed you. No matter how kind this person is, how much they try to convince you to eat/drink something, don’t fall for it.
Talk to someone if you see something that upsets you. If the person sends you a message that upsets you, close it right away and talk to someone about it. Don’t keep it a secret or try to brush it off. For your safety and well-being, it’s important to let someone know what happened. Also, avoid talking with the person who sent you the message any more after that.
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