How to Respect Autistic People

Recognizing Any Biases You Have

Recognize the importance of getting rid of your biases. Some autistic people find that ableism is a bigger barrier than autism itself. Without acceptance, autistic people may face loneliness, employment struggles, and mental health issues. Being autism-friendly helps people relax around you and feel like they aren't alone. Many autistic people try hard to accommodate others, but face rejection anyway. Ableism is oftentimes rooted in other prejudices, so it's important to recognize if you've internalized it.

Ask yourself where your bias comes from and how it started. People can unconsciously pick up on biases from the people around them. Taking time to think things over can help you find the root cause(s). Your friends, family, school/work, media exposure, and more may have presented attitudes that rubbed off on you. Were you raised to feel disgust or disdain towards people who don't fit in? If so, who taught you that? Do you view sensitivity or vulnerability as a personal weakness? Do you tend to view someone's independence or ability to make money as a measure of their worth as a person? Did you have a bad experience with one autistic person that caused you to generalize? Have you been exposed to lots of microaggressions against autistic people? These microaggressions are frequently made as "jokes" during social settings. Do people around you use the "r" word?

Question your expectations about people's facial expressions and body language. Some people fidget, avoid eye contact, stare into space, and/or have flat facial expressions. Stop assuming they owe you smiles, eye contact, or statue-still bodies. Your culture may have conditioned you to view non-autistic behavior as a sign of respect, meaning that autistic people seem disrespectful to you. If you think someone dislikes you, stop and ask yourself why. Could they just be quirky instead?

Ask yourself if you believe that being "normal" is the goal. Viewing autism through a deficit lens can make you think that autistic people need to act non-autistic. But research shows this does serious harm to their wellbeing and mental health. Instead, autistic people are healthiest when they can be themselves.

Come to terms with the fact you need to learn. Once you recognize that you have an internalized prejudice towards autistic people, you're on the right track to unlearn these biases and educate yourself. Realize that although you are recognizing a bias in yourself, it's important to not accept it. Acknowledge it and then focus on taking action to overcome it.

Learning About Autism

Educate yourself about autism.. Autism is a complex spectrum involving many different traits. No two autistic people are the same, and learning about the different ways people experience autism is crucial. Reading from autistic people can help you understand their lives and experiences. Keep in mind that not all sources of info are helpful. Some encourage stigma instead of fighting it. Stay away from anti-autism sources like Autism Speaks.

Talk to autistic people in your life. If you have any autistic friends or loved ones, ask them about their experiences. When you can personally interact with an autistic person, it's much easier to see them for who they are. Think about ways you can better support them! Whether it be providing a listening ear regarding things that have to do with their diagnosis, or even just treating them as you would any other, it's important to support them the same way you would support any of your friends. Don't randomly go up to an autistic stranger and ask them about it. Only ask someone about their experience with the condition if you're close enough with them for it to be appropriate.

Being Respectful

Recognize that different people will have different abilities and experiences than yours. A tolerable noise level for you may be distracting or even painful for someone else. What's somewhat tricky for you could be nearly impossible for one person and easy for another. This doesn't mean that people are wrong for being different. It's just part of human diversity. Resist the urge to say "there's no problem" or "you're too sensitive." Instead, ask people to tell you more about what they're going through. Listen to people the same way you'd like them to listen to you when you have a problem, even if they don't fully understand it.

Be mindful of the way your noise and behavior might affect others. Many autistic people have sensory issues. This means that certain sounds, feelings, tastes, or sights can be stressful or unbearable. If an autistic person (or anybody at all) in your life tells you that something makes them feel uncomfortable, take it seriously and make adjustments. If someone doesn't want to be touched, respect their boundaries instead of pressuring them. Misophonia (discomfort with specific noises) is common in autistic people. Sounds like slurping or loud chewing may make them deeply uncomfortable. Practice good table manners. Avoid making sudden loud noises that can startle people. If you need to do something loud (like running a blender), try warning people first so they have time to prepare or leave the room.Tip: Don't take offense if someone needs to put on headphones, decline hugs, or leave a room. Let them do their thing instead of pressuring them to be uncomfortable.

Don't make a big deal out of different behavior. Many autistic people use repetitive movements (like rocking or shaking a leg) to help them stay focused and calm. They may avoid eye contact and have unique speech patterns. This is often harmless, yet people may scold them for it anyway. If an autistic person is doing something that you think is odd, don't make a big deal out of it! It may be important for their wellbeing. Try giving them a smile if they seem nervous about being judged. You can even say things like, "You don't need to worry about eye contact with me." If they're causing harm or a major distraction in a quiet area (e.g. singing in a library), gently let them know. Be polite and don't shame them. For example, "Your finger-tapping is distracting the people who are trying to study. Would your stress ball work instead?"

Work on explaining a problem with someone instead of expecting them to notice hints. Sometimes, people hurt your feelings without realizing it. Don't expect them to read your mind or realize why you're upset. Instead, work on being assertive and telling them what's bothering you. "When you said X, I felt Y" is a good way to explain things. Ask people for what you want from them. For example, it's okay to say, "I'm not looking for solutions to my problems yet. I'm just looking to vent to a sympathetic person right now. Would you please be that person for me?"

Support their interests. Many autistic people have an area of interest that they're especially passionate about, which is commonly referred to as a special interest. If they want to talk about it, don't belittle them for their interests. If it isn't a good time to be discussing, don't be rude about it! You don't want to invalidate anybody for something they're passionate about.

Recognize that autistic people are regular people. Their brains might be a little different from average, but they're still human beings. Autistic people are no different than non-autistic people, other than the fact that they may experience differences with the way they interact with and perceive the world. A supportive, respectful environment helps them live good lives. You don't need to pretend they're non-autistic. Instead, treat them like regular people whose needs and thinking styles might be a little different.