Make a list of their imperfections.
Even your “perfect” crush is not flawless. We tend to focus on the positives of our crush, like their hilarious jokes or their killer smile. Try brainstorming a list of their flaws. You’ll see that your perception of them wasn’t fully grounded in reality, and their magic over you will start to fade. Include anything you can think of, like: Their friends are obnoxious They are already in a relationship They obsess over a TV show you hate
Get off of social media.
Your crush’s posts are a highlight reel of what makes them great. It’s tempting to keep looking at their profiles, but your feelings won’t pass if you keep seeing them at their most photogenic and interesting. Set time limits on your social apps to cut down on scrolling, or unfollow your crush to avoid an unexpected post. You already have to see this person everyday, so think of your social media as a safe space from them. You’ll only prolong your grief and attraction if you keep scrolling past their face outside of work or class.
Pretend your crush is just an acquaintance.
This perspective makes your crush seem less special. You can still be polite and kind to them, but you have no motivation to interact with them outside of basic manners. With time, this will prevent your feelings from transforming into anger or resentment towards the person. If you know your crush too well for this trick, try pretending they’re someone else close to you. How would you react if it was a friend or sibling that waved at you from across the street? A coworker? A classmate?
Limit contact with your crush as much as you can.
Proximity is a major factor in developing feelings for someone. Sit in a different desk or office space to put them at a physical distance. Skip any parties or office happy hours where you know they’ll be, and find new bars, coffee shops, or hangout spots if you know they’re a regular at your old haunts. If you’ve been physically intimate with your crush before, keep your relationship completely platonic going forward. More sensual encounters will only make it harder to get over your feelings and move on. Make your home a safe space and get rid of any gifts, photos, or other objects that remind you too much of the person.
Say you “like” the person instead of “love.”
The way we talk about someone influences our feelings about them. If you say you “love” someone, it raises the stakes if your crush doesn’t like you back. Instead, just say “like.” It takes the pressure off and makes your crush seem less special compared to everyone else. Use “like” when you talk to friends about your crush: “I like spending time with him.” “I like the way she laughs.” “I like when I bump into him in the hallway.”
Talk about your crush with friends or family.
Talking about something out loud helps you understand your feelings about it. Tell your best friend or a trusted family member what you like about the person, how sad or angry you feel, or all the future dates and milestones you pictured. Get it all out of your system so you can move on. Talking about your problems with friends and family is a way to let them know what’s happening in your life and that you might need some extra support while you work through this. It’s OK to use your support system and ask for help! Talking about your crush will help normalize your feelings. If you keep it all inside, you might grow embarrassed or ashamed of how you feel and it will take longer to heal.
Journal about your feelings.
Journaling forces you to be present in the moment. It’s a time for you to focus on yourself, organize your thoughts, and gain some clarity about your feelings. Journaling can reduce stress, clear your mind, and help overcome negative thoughts, even if it’s just a temporary break from daydreaming about your crush. You don’t have to keep the journal entry forever. Tear the page out and throw it away afterwards if you don’t want a permanent record of your most secret thoughts.
Focus on new hobbies and self-care.
A new hobby is an exciting way to distract yourself. Keep busy and find activities you excel at and make you feel empowered and confident. It could be running 10Ks, cross-stitching, or trying the newest recipe from Bon Appétit. The goal is to remind yourself that there are plenty of other fish in the sea, but you are the only you. Hobbies are just one form of self-care. Take naps, binge your favorite TV shows, meditate, or do whatever other activities make you feel good, refreshed, and whole while you process your feelings.
Substitute a new thought when your crush is on your mind.
You don’t have to try to block them out entirely. Just change the course of your thinking to stop fantasizing about what could have been or dwelling on a relationship that isn’t going to happen. This helps you heal and move on faster. Here are some examples of how to shift your train of thought: Instead of letting yourself imagine a romantic wine night with them, start thinking about a trip to a vineyard with your closest friends. If you can’t stop focusing on the way they did their hair today, try picturing yourself in a salon chair and playing with different styles and colors. Did they say your name recently and you can’t stop re-hearing it? Imagine your favorite musician screaming your name from the stage instead.
Look at yourself from their point of view.
You probably wouldn’t think less of somebody for liking you. You may not have those romantic feelings, but that doesn’t mean you think they’re weird, ugly, or undateable. Show yourself some self-compassion and remember that you’re not defective because they don’t reciprocate your feelings. Try looking at your interactions through their lens too. To you, a quick “hello” might be heart stopping. To them, it’s just a polite gesture. Try to operate on their level and cool your thoughts and actions to match the reality of the relationship.
Meet new people.
Open yourself to the possibility of having feelings for someone else. Putting yourself out there can give you some romantic optimism while you work through hard feelings. The worst case scenario is that you end up with a new friend or acquaintance and briefly distract yourself from spiraling over your crush. There’s no need to jump into a new relationship right away to get over your crush. It’s enough to just explore what’s out there.
Set limits on how much you talk about your crush.
Overtalking about them can prolong your feelings of sadness and pain. If you feel yourself obsessing, try distracting yourself with your favorite activities or take a trip with friends or family. It can be very healing to do something you enjoy with the people who do care about you. Shift your energy toward accepting the situation for what it really is and acknowledge, “what I am looking for is not going to happen with this person.” You will probably still feel sad for a time, but this acceptance will let you grieve the lost possibility and then move on.
Remember your life outside of your crush.
You have friends, family, hobbies, goals, and interests. Those things are still yours with or without your crush, and they shouldn’t replace everything that’s already in your life. If you’re focusing so much on your crush that you’re neglecting other things that are important to you, it’s time to accept that it isn’t going to work out and move on.
Acknowledge that these feelings are temporary.
Even the most negative feelings don’t last forever. It’s natural to take a while to bounce back, and these feelings might be prolonged just because you have to see them frequently. Hold on to the fact that you will feel better soon, and your crush won’t seem perfect and alluring to you forever. You’re not alone in your feelings. Almost everyone has experienced the pain of moving on from a crush, and they’ve all lived to tell the tale. You will too!
Focus on substance-free coping mechanisms.
Drugs and alcohol will make you feel sadder for longer. If you find yourself binge drinking or doing recreational drugs frequently, you may need to reevaluate how you process your feelings. Reach out to friends, family, or a substance use professional if you feel your coping mechanisms have gotten out of control. A drunk text or DM to your crush can be embarrassing and make it even harder to move on, especially if you have to see them everyday. Ditch the booze while you’re thinking about them to avoid making a mistake you’ll regret later. Prolonged drug or alcohol use while you’re depressed might lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts in extreme cases.
See a therapist if your feelings are unmanageable.
Sometimes your crush can leave you feeling devastated and depressed. It’s normal to feel low for days or weeks, but it’s time to speak to a professional if you can’t work through it on your own and your usual support systems are not helping. Signs it might be time to see a therapist or a counselor might be: You feel depressed or sad for all or most of the day, most days of the week. Your feelings are preventing you from enjoying your favorite things and activities. Your feelings are affecting your ability to work, succeed in school, socialize with your friends or family, or get along with people.
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