Breaking the Pattern of Continuous Crushes
Step back and observe your behavior. If you're experiencing crushes frequently, try to take a step back. Think about how you would view your behavior if you were an outsider in the situation. Give your feelings an objective assessment to see if they're healthy. Look at your past and present crushes and relationships. Are you drawn to a particular type of a person? Do you tend to bounce from one crush to another? If you've ever had a relationship with your crush, was it healthy? Do you tend to have crushes even if you're in a committed relationship? Own up to whether or not having crushes is detrimental to you. Avoid feelings of blame, directed towards yourself or others, in favor of simply addressing your own behavioral patterns over time.
Step away when feelings become obsessive. Having a crush on someone is a normal part of life. However, because crushes can be so powerful on an emotional level, they can become obsessive. If you've noticed you have a tendency to obsess, try to figure out how to refrain from letting that tendency take over. Try to reduce the amount of time spent dwelling on crushes in the future. Thinking about your crush while you are trying to work or do something else can be a sign that you're focusing too much on them. Do you usually allow your feelings about a crush to distract you from work, school, or other relationships? If so, try consciously changing your focus if you notice your mind dwelling on crushes too much. Bring your attention back to whatever it was you were doing before you started thinking about your crush. Try taking 90 seconds to take a series of deep breaths, focusing only on your breathing. This can help you get thoughts of your crush out of your mind and return your brain to the present.
Channel your energy elsewhere. Continual crushes can bring up powerful emotions, causing you to constantly dwell on one potential romantic partner or another. To avoid this, it can be useful to stay focused on other things you enjoy instead of fixating on a string of crushes. Keeping your mind busy with other things can be a good way to get over a crush. Try thinking about your plans for the future, work that you have to get done, movies you want to see, or other things that you find engaging. Try to do activities that take up your attention. Avoid doing something that might let your mind wander back to thinking about your crush. Remember, it is normal to have crushes. It's okay to occasionally indulge in a lighthearted crush. However, if having crushes is becoming a problem, keeping busy can help you from letting your feelings get out of control.
Spend time with others. Spending time with other people can be a great way to get your mind off of a crush. If you're having a great conversation with someone or doing something fun together, it's easy to forget about your crush. Try doing something fun with your friends or family to help get over a crush quickly. Your friends and family can be a great support system if you are having trouble dealing with a crush. Try talking with them if it feels overwhelming. If your crush is part of your group of friends, try hanging out with your friends individually for a while. Sometimes, the need to have crushes can be due to a lack of emotionally intimacy in other areas of your life. Working on building strong relationships with friends and family members may reduce your need to develop crushes.
Keeping Your Emotions Under Control
Make a game plan. If you're keen on the notion of lessening intense crushes, have a game plan in place. Think about what to do if you start develop too strong or too intense of a crush in the future. Have a way to break the pattern in mind. Does having crushes make you feel less lonely or sad? If so, find other ways to deal during those moments. Try to, say, strengthen a platonic bond you have or work on a hobby or skill of your own. Feeling more secure about yourself and your relationships may lessen your need for strong crushes. It may be hard to stick to a plan at first, especially if you're used to having a lot of crushes that get out of control. Know going into your plan you may feel sad and frustrated at times. However, try to also acknowledge these feelings will be worth it long term, as you won't allow crushes to get out of control.
Accept your feelings. Even though you might not want the feelings that a strong crush on someone can bring, it's important to accept them for what they are. It's perfectly fine to have a crush and take notice of it, without engaging it. People have small crushes throughout their lives. People even have crushes when they're already in stable romantic relationships. Just because you have a crush, doesn't mean you need to act on it or let it make your choices for you. Do not feel guilty about having a crush, even if it's on someone who's not available. You cannot control how you feel. If you have romantic feelings for a married co-worker, for example, you may feel guilty. However, you are not choosing to have these feelings. The only thing you can control is your reactions. How people react to feelings defines their morality, not the feelings themselves. Try to say something to yourself like, "I have a crush on Brandon but he's married. It's not wrong to feel this way. I can't help it. I'm not going to act on it, so I don't need to become overwhelmed with guilt."
Keep a balanced opinion of your crushes. When you have a crush on someone, it's all too easy to focus only on the good things about them. If you're prone to intense crushes, you may have a tendency to put your crushes on a pedestal right away. Imbalanced views can create unrealistic images of others. Try to change your focus and find things that you might not like about your crushes as they arise. This can help you get over crushes faster, and may reduce the number of crushes you have. It can be challenging. However, keeping a balanced opinion of your crush can help you cope. You don't need to be mean, but finding things you don't like about someone can help you stay neutral in your opinion of them. Remind yourself your crush has flaws, and the fantasy relationship you're spinning is unlikely to work out as well in reality.
Remember crushes do not last. Although having a crush can bring on intense and overwhelming feelings, crushes don't last. It can help knowing that the crush won't be a permanent feeling and that things will eventually return to normal. This can keep you from allowing your feelings from becoming obsessive. You will see this more as a fleeting feeling than a long, life changing relationship. This can be particularly important for crushes accrued when you're already in a committed relationship. Remember, most crushes last for around four months. If you tend to have one crush after another, they'll probably be in the four month range. Remind yourself your feelings may have an expiration date to help keep them in check. Crushes will fade in time, generally leaving you with thoughts like “I don't know what I saw in them to begin with”. Remind yourself of this when you start obsessing over the person.
Be responsible for your own happiness. Oftentimes, people enjoy the intensity of a crush. There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to enjoy the happy feelings a crush brings, even if they're fleeting. However, these feelings can get out of control. Continually remind yourself that you are in control of your own happiness. You may find that, after awhile, you rely on small gestures of attention or care from your crush to feel happy. This can easily backfire on you, leaving you reeling. Remind yourself that, while it's nice to have a crush, only you can make yourself happy. You will have to learn to rely on your own hobbies, interests, and passions for happiness rather than another person.
Take care of yourself. Having a crush can be tough. Crushes can make you feel hurt, confused, frustrated or any number of painful things. Since it can be so difficult to have a crush, it's important that you take care of yourself. Try doing something fun, getting your feelings out by writing or drawing, or giving yourself a small treat once in a while. Taking care of yourself until the crush fades can help make things a lot easier on you.
Addressing Underlying Issues
Own up to your unhealthy habits. If you believe your continual crushes are becoming a problem, admit this. Being honest with yourself about negative behavior is an important step to overcoming these behaviors. Think about what your crushes are doing to you emotionally. Are you neglecting school work to obsess over various crushes? Do you have a new crush each week who you cannot live without thinking of constantly? Acknowledge that crushes are causing you more unhappiness and anxiety than anything. This can help you recognize you need to acknowledge underlying issues that drive your need to have frequent crushes.
Keep the consequences of acting on a crush in mind. Be realistic about each new crush you have. This can help you figure out if this really a meaningful, important crush or if your'e just feeling something to feel it. Would you truly act on this crush and, if so, what would happen? There are often many reasons not to act on a crush. You may have a crush on someone from work. You may already be in a relationship. Thinking about what would happen if you acted on your crushes can help you trace patterns. Maybe you always develop crushes on unavailable people. This could say something about larger romantic patterns in your life. Maybe you crush on people you can't have to avoid true intimacy.
Interrogate what your crushes represent. Crushes can represent real feelings that should be acted on. However, if you constantly have crushes, something else may be at play. Crushes may represent a need that's not being met elsewhere in life. Think about your last crush and what they represented to you. Consider the circumstances of your life at the time. Think about past crushes. Did they represent similar things? For example, maybe your last crush was on a married co-worker. The crush before that was on your boss, who office policy forbids you from dating. What did these people represent? In this case, your crushes are on people who you cannot really be with. Did you experience a bad breakup in the past? Maybe developing crushes on unobtainable people helps you feel romantic feelings without having to risk actual intimacy.
Seek professional guidance. If you seem to have obsessive crushes often, you may suffer from a condition like love addiction. If your crushes are interfering with your daily life, to the point you're unable to complete basic tasks, make an appointment with a therapist. A qualified therapist can help you learn to identify the triggers for intense crushes and how to better regulate your emotions.
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