Controlling Your Temper
Identify the types of thoughts that make you lose your temper. While anger is often triggered by external factors like the things that people say or do around you, you have the ability to control how you respond. Pay attention to the types of things that make you angry and try to avoid allowing yourself to focus on those things. Don't let yourself overgeneralize things. Instead of thinking something like, “they never listen” focus on what is going on right now. Don't jump to conclusions or allow yourself to assume you know what was going through your parents' minds. Don't allow yourself to look for other things to get more upset about when angry about something in particular. Focus on the issue at hand and how to resolve it.
Take some deep breaths. Taking a step back to let yourself breath can help reduce your stress and control your anger. When you feel tension rising, slow down and take some slow, intentional breaths. Breath deep from the abdomen and get as much fresh air into your body as you can with each long breath. Try counting as you inhale and exhale to force yourself to slow your breathing and control it.
Give yourself a reality check. When tempers flare, it can be easy to feel as though what you're upset about is a really big deal, but feeling like it is doesn't necessarily mean that it actually is. Take a moment to think about why you're mad at your parents and consider how important it is in the big picture. Ask yourself if this situation is worth yelling at your parents or getting this upset about. Consider how your actions will affect your emotions throughout the rest of your day. Think about how it may affect your parents' emotions as well. Ask yourself if there's anything you can do to resolve the situation instead of becoming more aggressive.
Break down the elements of your anger. You know you're angry, but are you sure you know exactly what you're angry about? Take a moment away from your parents to really break down the source of your feelings and what has you so angry that you want to yell at them. Try writing out your feelings on paper to help provide you with increased perspective on the situation and your emotions. Putting your feelings into words can help make them feel more real and manageable. Sometimes breaking your negative feelings down will help them to pass.
Work your anger out physically. Tension can build up quickly when you're upset and that feeling makes it more difficult to control your anger. Instead of yelling at your parents, release some of the tension through physical activity. If you can take a break from your conversation with your parents, go for a walk or get some exercise. If you cannot leave the conversation, stand up and stretch or flex the muscles in your legs to relieve some built up tension.
Communicating with Your Parents Effectively
Use “I” statements. When you're angry at your parents it's natural to want to make the conversation about them. You may be tempted to say things that are directed at them about what they have done or are doing, but making statements that begin with “you” can sound accusatory and increase tension between you and your parents. Start statements with yourself like, “I'm upset about this situation” instead of, “you're making me upset about this situation.” Using “I” statements can help you address your feelings out loud without yelling.
Use humor to diffuse the situation. If you feel yourself losing your temper, you may want to lighten the mood by making a joke or saying something silly. This is not always appropriate, but in some situations it can be a great way to break the cycle of angry feelings. Avoid using sarcasm as it may lead to hurt feelings and more anger. Being willing to make a joke, even a bad one, shows that you are trying to keep from getting too angry and your parents may appreciate the effort.
Wait before reacting to something your parents do or say. If your parents do or say something that makes you extremely angry, take a step back and give yourself time to cool down before you address it with them. Giving yourself time can help you calm down enough to discuss things without losing your temper and yelling. Your parents may also calm down if given time, allowing you each to approach the topic with a refreshed sense of calm.
Avoiding Conflict
Choose your words carefully. When tempers flare, we often say things we don't mean. When you are more focused on saying something hurtful than working things out, arguments will only grow more heated. Miscommunications can also cause offense, so think about what you say before you say it. Choose words that are not hurtful, but productive in nature. Don't use name calling or insults to get your point across. Making your parents angrier will only lead to increased tension and a higher chance that you'll find yourself yelling at them.
Focus on identifying possible solutions. If you're angry enough to yell at your parents, there is likely a problem that needs to be addressed. Instead of focusing your energy on your anger, devote it to finding a solution to the problem you can all get behind. Try to identify compromises you can make with your parents to resolve what has you so upset. Look at things from your parents' perspective. If you were them, how would you feel and what would you need to solve this problem? You can also focus on solutions to the problem of your lost temper, like creating distance from your parents for now or getting some exercise.
Know when to seek help for your anger. We all lose our tempers from time to time, but if you feel your anger is too strong for you to manage on your own, you may want to consider seeking help. There are a number of options you can pursue to help you keep control of your negative feelings. Always know when to ask for help. Consider asking your parents to take you to see a therapist that specializes in anger management. Talk to your doctor about possible treatment options to help you control your feelings. Learn to identify when your anger is out of control and ask for help in dealing with it.
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