What happens to a man when he crosses the 40 years milestone in his life? Or when his daughter gets married or when he decides it’s time to quit his job? Like any other person, a state of sadness engulfs him.There comes a stage in parent’s life when the child grows up and moves on with his or her life. When it comes to psychology, this particular stage has a name, it’s referred to as the ‘Empty Nest Syndrome’. According to some psychologists it could be described as a loss of identity. For a parent, raising the child – almost equals their identity. When there is nothing more for the parents to do for their child – they feel their identity is lost.Hence, they have the Empty Nest Syndrome.The term can literally be equated with nature – like in the case of birds. The female spends all her time building, laying, hatching and then nurturing her young ones. Once they grow older the young ones fly out, leaving behind an ‘empty nest’.Similarly, after the birth of their children, the parent’s lives also revolve around the kids. Though this is most common in women, men also to an extent get affected.“What differs is the manner in which the stage manifests itself. It is a type of adjustment disorder. When a landmark event occurs in one’s life, adjustments need to be made,” says Kavita from the psychology department of NIMHANS.“Yes the empty nest stage in one’s life is associated mostly with women. But men go through it as well. I knew a father who went into depression post his daughter’s marriage. The ironic bit was that it was an arranged marriage,” says Sudha Bogle, a clinical psychologist. Bogle explains that usually when the daughter gets married the fathers get depressed.The reason being, that once the marriage is done with, they realise that their daughter is no longer there with them.In such cases, either the man needs to go for counselling or if he is mentally strong enough, will be able to snap out of the depression with time.Also, for a man, it’s a combination of events. Sometimes children leaving home along with retirement affects men even more. Says Bogle, “Men get very depressed post retirement.This is especially the case with those who’d spend most of their day at work. It is very important for a man to inculcate hobbies in his day-to-day life. Doing other things or pursuing hobbies helps in diverting the energy and focus. Also, it is very important to plan before retiring. One should plan at least five years in advance.The planning does not only involve financial matters alone but it also includes psychological planning.” “I left home after my degree for my further studies a few years ago. My dad did not take it too well. And after his retirement, he decided to help my mother at home. Initially both of them would call to check on me and the calls would be pleasant. But a little later, the calls became nasty and annoying.They would call only to complain about each other,” says Arjun, a mechanical engineer.It is of utmost importance that men plan ahead of their retirement. In case they are not able to plan, there can be repercussions later on. First and for most, if one’s children have just moved out, and the father has quit his job, be prepared for a battlefield at home. “The wife will be irritable as her role of a mother and care taker is over, the man will be anxious as he would have quit his job.With ample time and irritation brimming at both ends, there is bound to be friction.Hence, to avoid that, the man must find something to occupy himself,” adds Bogle.“Symptoms to look out for are – irritability, fatigue, lack of interest and appetite and mood swings. Usually situation can be treated without medication if the person affected realises his condition early. In case the depressive state is acute, medical treatment could be required,” says Kavita.
Comments
0 comment