Sex may permeate our popular culture, but conversations about it are still associated with stigma and shame in Indian households. As a result, most individuals dealing with sexual health issues or trying to find information about sex often resort to unverified online sources or follow the unscientific advice of their friends.
To address the widespread misinformation about sex, News18.com is running this weekly sex column, titled ‘Let’s Talk Sex’. We hope to initiate conversations about sex through this column and address sexual health issues with scientific insight and nuance.
In this article, we will discuss why Sex-ed is important for children and give parents a few tips on how to have “the talk”.
You’ve given your kids everything they could ever need, and they’ve grown up knowing they are deeply loved. As a parent, you’ve guided them through life’s ups and downs, taught them right from wrong, and done your best to prepare them for the challenges of the real world. But there’s one more lesson they desperately need that often gets overlooked — a comprehensive sex education.
Why Sex Education Matters?
As a dad, one of the most important things you can do is have “the talk” with your kids. Sex education matters.
1. Kids are exposed to so much these days through media and the internet, so they may already have a warped idea of what sex is really about. You need to provide them with medically accurate information about sex, relationships, and consent.
2. Don’t wait until they’re teenagers. Start conversations about bodies, relationships, and consent early. Answer questions honestly but appropriately for their age.
3. Explain that sex should be consensual and pleasurable for both parties. Teach them about safe sex, contraception, and healthy relationships. Let them know they can come to you with questions without judgement.
4. Your kids may squirm, but they need this information from a trusted source. Who better than their own father? Make it an ongoing dialog.
Sex ed isn’t a one-time conversation. Keep the lines of communication open, set a good example with your own healthy relationships, and provide resources for them to learn on their own. You have the power to shape their views on this important topic. Step up and give them the gift of knowledge and support. Their wellbeing depends on it.
Starting the Conversation: Tips for Talking to Your Kids
1. Start early: Have “the talk” with your kids before they start puberty. Age 10 is a good target for girls, age 12 for boys. Don’t wait for them to come to you with questions, or they may get misinformation from their friends or the internet.
2. Keep it casual: Have conversations with your kids, not lectures. Bring up sex education in a relaxed, low-pressure way, like during dinner or while driving them to activities. Keep the door open for them to ask questions.
3. Share your values: Explain your own views on relationships, love, and sex. Help them think through how to know if they’re ready for sex, and how to make responsible decisions. Promote mutual respect between partners.
4. Discuss consent and safety: Teach your kids that any sexual activity requires enthusiastic consent from their partner. Talk about birth control, STDs, and how to prevent them. Explain that no one has the right to touch them without their consent.
5. Be patient and listen: Don’t expect to cover everything in one talk. Have frequent conversations, and listen to them without judgment. Be open to answering all their questions honestly and to the best of your ability. Your kids may feel embarrassed, so make these discussions a chance for them to share their thoughts in confidence.
To summarise, the keys to good sex education are starting early, keeping an open dialog, sharing your values, discussing consent and safety, and being patient.
Discuss Safe Sex and Contraception
1. The Birds and the Bees: It’s time for “the talk”. Have an open, honest conversation about sex, sexuality and relationships. Explain sex as a natural and pleasurable act between consenting partners. Discuss safe sex, contraception and consent. Let them know they can come to you with any questions.
2. Safe Sex: Safe sex practices like using condoms, dental dams and gloves can prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Explain how to properly use different methods of protection. Discuss the importance of getting tested regularly for STDs and encourage your teen to do the same with any sexual partners.
3. Birth Control: Discuss the various birth control options available for your teen like the pill, IUDs, implants and patches. Explain how each method works and their effectiveness at preventing pregnancy. Emphasize that any form of birth control does not prevent STDs, so condoms should always be used as well.
Be honest but age-appropriate
When your kids start asking questions about sex, answer them truthfully but keep your answers appropriate for their age. For a 6-year-old, a simple explanation may suffice. As they get older, give more details. Never lie or make up answers to avoid an awkward conversation.
1. For younger kids, keep your answers short and straightforward. You might say “babies grow inside a special place in the mommy called the uterus.”
2. For preteens, give more details about puberty, relationships, and reproduction. Explain things like menstruation, erections, and ejaculation.
3. Be open to answering questions about sexuality and relationships. Your teen may ask about things like masturbation, oral sex, or same-sex relationships. Provide facts and your values without judgement.
The conversations may feel uncomfortable, but it’s so important to create an environment where your kids feel they can come to you with questions about these sensitive topics. Your guidance can help shape their healthy attitudes about sex, relationships and themselves as they develop into young adults.
So, this Father’s Day, have that talk. Give your kids the gift of knowledge and understanding about themselves, their health, their safety, and their future relationships. It will be awkward, no doubt, but pushing through the discomfort will give you both peace of mind. Your kids are growing up fast, and the world is changing even faster. Equip them now with facts and your guidance so they can navigate challenges yet to come. Be their source of truth and support. Have the talk, dad. Our kids are worth it.
Prof (Dr) Saransh Jain is the winner of the Swasth Bharat Rattan Award and is a Certified and Licensed Sexologist by the American Board of Sexology. He is currently a Senior Consultant at Dr SK Jain’s Burlington Clinic in Lucknow. The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not represent the stand of this publication.
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