How To Break The Cycle Of Knee-Jerk Reactions And Improve Your Relationship

Have you ever said anything in a fit of rage and then quickly wished you could take it back? Or did you ever say something out loud that humiliated you and the other person? We are all aware of the phrase, ‘Think before you speak’. But often, during an emotional moment, we tend to lose control over our words. It scars our relationship forever and unintentionally hurts the other. There is a term associated with this type of behaviour. It is called a knee-jerk reaction. Simply put, it refers to all those responses from you without thinking it through.

The knee-jerk reaction is a term that refers to our quick responses, which can be a result of our physiological reactions. For instance, when our knee is struck at the right point, it causes our leg to kick outward in a rapid response. However, this term encompasses all types of reactions that happen quickly, such as insulting someone in public, cracking a hurtful joke, or hitting someone during an argument. Although these reactions may not be intended to hurt or disrespect the other person, it can be challenging to control them.

Therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw offered some advice for those who experience knee-jerk reactions and listed a few things they can do in such circumstances:

A post shared by Elizabeth Earnshaw (@lizlistens)

1. Be mindful: A simple yet effective way to prevent knee-jerk reactions is to practice mindfulness. When faced with an emotional trigger, it can be challenging to control your response. However, by being aware of your choice of words and taking a moment to reflect before speaking, you can prevent potential harm. Try repeating your thoughts in your mind before speaking out loud. This may help you recognize any harshness or negativity in your words and give you the opportunity to rephrase them in a more thoughtful and respectful manner.
2. Stop and breathe: This practice helps one be mindful. Rage, anxiety, and stress can indirectly affect how we think or speak. Taking a moment to breathe can calm your nerves. Then you can start thinking with a clear mind. You have a chance to speak and react more sensibly. This will prevent a lot of relationships from breaking.
3. Take note of your reactions: The therapist says that one needs to notice their knee-jerk reactions and make a different choice. To start with, one can take a mental note of some of their reactions in the past and determine instances when they are more likely to throw a fit. Identifying their trigger points can prevent scarring more relationships in the future.
4. Respond with a boundary: When you inherently start respecting other people’s boundaries, it is unlikely that you will react indifferently. Make sure to tell yourself that there is a limit to which you can drag an argument or a joke.

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