15 Signs of Compatibility in a Relationship
You share similar long-term goals Couples in long-term relationships have to think about their future. They may have to decide where they want to live, what careers they’ll pursue, and whether or not to have children. Agreeing on these sorts of things—or most of them—is a major plus. Having different long-term goals can make it challenging to plan a future together. For instance, one partner may want to live closer to their family, while the other may want to move across the country for a better job.
You have strong communication skills Partners who listen to each other, express their individual feelings, and accommodate each other’s needs are much more likely to get along. This is especially important during arguments or disagreements. Nobody gets along 24/7, but practicing good communication helps couples overcome challenges and learn from their mistakes. Loving couples may still experience rough patches during which they argue or struggle to communicate effectively. They can overcome this by talking things through, seeing a couple’s counselor, getting help for individual mental health issues, or all of the above. Bad communication can harm a relationship. Couples who verbally attack each other, ignore each other, or hide their frustrations are more likely to break up or divorce.
You have a similar desire for independence Some couples spend most of their time together. They might always shop, eat dinner, or spend most evenings together watching the same TV shows. Other couples prefer to give each other alone time, whether that means going on solo walks in the park, having different friends, or taking entire vacations separately. There’s no “ideal” amount of independence in a relationship, but it’s important that couples be on the same page. If one partner wants to spend more time together, but the other wants time alone, one or both partners may feel hurt or frustrated.
You match on your level of extroversion or introversion All of us crave human connection, but some folks need more of it than others. Extroverted couples who love to socialize may often see friends together or invite neighbors over from time to time. More introverted couples might enjoy an occasional visitor or prefer to spend their time alone together. When one partner is very extroverted, and the other is introverted, it can cause tension. The extroverted partner might feel stifled or bored sitting at home, while the introverted one might feel overwhelmed by the constant socializing. Extrovert-introvert relationships can work wonderfully if partners respect each other’s needs. For example, an introvert can opt to stay home while encouraging their extroverted partner to go out with friends.
You are physically attracted to one another Finding your partner cute, sexy, or just plain handsome is a huge plus, especially if they feel the same way about you. Neither of you needs to meet a conventional beauty standard. All that matters is that you find each other attractive and desirable. Finding your partner unattractive, or becoming less attracted to them over time, can pose a challenge for your relationship. While looks aren’t everything, individual partners must decide whether their partner’s appearance is a dealbreaker. Appearances naturally change over time, but couples in long-term relationships can still remain physically attracted to each other.
You have matching sex drives There’s no right or wrong amount of sex in a relationship, but wanting similar amounts of sex is hugely beneficial. Couples whose sex drives are in sync are more likely to be satisfied with their relationship. When one partner desires more sex than the other, however, they become frustrated or resentful. Sex drives can also change during the course of a relationship. The initial “honeymoon” phase of a relationship is usually marked by intense attraction and frequent sex, for instance, while couples who’ve been together for many years may desire sex less often. Couples can resolve differing sex drives by seeking relationship counseling, or by “spicing things up” by experimenting with different kinds of sexual intimacy besides intercourse.
You share a similar sense of humor Do you both giggle when someone farts unexpectedly? Do you laugh at the same memes? Or do you both prefer witty banter? Couples who laugh together are more likely to stay together—bonus points if you laugh at each other’s jokes too. Having totally different senses of humor can be a dealbreaker, especially if one partner finds the other’s humor repulsive or embarrassing.
You match on your desire for adventure Some people love trying new food, visiting unfamiliar places, or making unplanned detours on a road trip. Others are picky eaters who get nervous in novel settings and rarely make decisions on the fly. Spontaneity and adventurousness aren’t for everyone, but couples are more likely to get along if they’re on the same wavelength. Someone who craves adventure might feel stifled in a relationship with someone who prefers to stick with a routine.
You share complementary political beliefs Couples don’t have to agree on every issue, but it's important that their most cherished beliefs don’t conflict. Someone who strongly supports, say, same-sex marriage, may find it difficult to be with a partner who is firmly against it—and vice versa. Relationships are more sustainable when partners share the same political beliefs. Couples who don’t follow politics may not feel a need to agree on certain topics. Not everyone has strong political views.
You have similar religious or spiritual beliefs Religion plays a huge role in some people’s lives. Other folks are more “spiritual” than religious, while some are staunchly secular. Wherever you lie on this spectrum, it’s important that your partner shares your beliefs, especially if you want a long-term relationship with them. Marriage, raising children, and connecting with each other’s families is much easier when you share the same religious beliefs. For example, you may choose to get married in a house of worship and raise your children to be religious. Couples with conflicting religious views may disagree on important topics, such as how to raise their children (if they become parents) or whether to attend religious services regularly.
You accept each other’s faults and differences Nobody’s perfect, and nobody knows this better than a couple in a long-term relationship. You may have a ton in common, but as time goes by, you’ll become increasingly aware of your differences. Maybe one of you never puts their shoes away. Maybe the other takes weeks to do simple household tasks. As long as you accommodate each other and accept your differences, you’ll get along fine, faults and all. If your differences lead to conflict, it can put a strain on your relationship. For example, if one partner is irresponsible with money, it can cause resentment and financial problems.
You match on your financial goals and spending habits Do you love buying new things? Do you dream of owning a big house? Or does a tiny apartment with thrifted furniture suit you just fine? In a relationship, it’s important to be on the same page about physical possessions. If both of you are happy with what you own, you’re more likely to be happy living together. When couples have different material needs, it can cause friction in a relationship. One person may want newer furniture or a larger TV for their apartment, for instance, while the other may insist on being frugal. Couples can resolve these disagreements by creating a household spending budget. For example, they could agree to allocate a portion of their income towards “non-essential” things like new clothes and decorations for their house.
You share intellectual interestsYou don’t need to read the same books or “nerd out” over the same topics. But partners who are on the same wavelength about “brainy” activities are more likely to get along than folks with totally different intellectual passions. For instance, a person who loves reading may prefer relationships with fellow bookworms. On the other hand, someone who doesn’t enjoy “brainy” conversations might get bored with a partner who always wants to discuss “heavy” topics.
You have similar levels of physical activity Some couples run marathons or spend their vacations exploring foreign cities on foot. Others prefer to spend their days off napping on the beach. Whatever you prefer, doing activities together is much easier when you and your partner enjoy similar amounts of physical exercise. Partners who prefer very different levels of physical activity might clash or disagree on what they find “fun.” On vacations, for instance, they might become frustrated with each other if they don’t enjoy the same activities. Not sharing the same energy level doesn’t have to break a relationship. For example, a physically active person might go hiking with friends while their partner relaxes at home with a book.
You are each content with your individual lives It’s true what they say: to truly love someone, you need to love yourself. Life isn’t always easy, and partners can support each other through tough times. But people who take care of themselves—and feel content with their lives—are better able to take care of their partners, too. If someone is unhappy with their own life, or neglects their own wellbeing, their relationships can suffer. Unhappiness tends to “rub off” others.
Why Compatibility is Important in Relationships
Compatible partners are more likely to have happy, healthy relationships. Couples who are highly compatible usually share similar values, beliefs, interests, and life goals. This makes them more likely to get along—and less likely to argue or disagree strongly with each other over important topics. Being compatible doesn’t guarantee that a relationship will be happy or successful, but it definitely helps. Compatible couples don’t necessarily see eye to eye on everything. But having a lot in common makes it easier to resolve disagreements or “agree to disagree.” Partners who are highly compatible may still argue, feel unhappy, or engage in unhealthy relationship patterns. Relationships require constant effort and good communication, even under the best of circumstances.
How Compatibility Changes Over Time
Compatibility may increase as couples adopt each other’s views and traits. As time goes by, some couples pick up each other’s quirks, habits, and beliefs. Partners may become more religious if they frequently attend services together, for example, even if one partner was less religious when they first met. Or they could become slightly messier over the years as they grow more “relaxed” about cleaning and tidiness. Becoming more compatible doesn’t make all your differences disappear. One of you may always be the “messy one” or the “picky eater,” even if you both come to love football or spicy food.
Compatibility can break down without good communication. Everyone has emotional baggage and unresolved problems. Successful couples address these challenges by listening to each other with empathy, practicing good communication, and taking care of their mental health—individually and together. When couples don’t do this, however, they may argue and hurt each other emotionally, until trust and compatibility are eroded. Compatibility can also decrease if couples develop different goals and interests. For instance, partners may initially agree that they don’t want children, but one partner may change their mind.
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