How to Control Your Emotions at Work

Handling Worry and Rejection

Get an objective look on the situation. If you are worried about your job or your performance, you may feel overwhelmed and anxious. While some things are within your control, other things are not. Take a step back and assess the situation before reacting. Are you concerned about the future of your job? What things are within your control, and what things are not? Focus on what you can control, rather than worrying about the things you can't. For example, think about a recent change in upper management. While this may change things about work, focus on what you can do to make the company and your work stronger. Are you stressed about how others view your work? Are you fearful that you'll not meet expectations? Think about if it is pressure that you've put on yourself. For example, you think that taking a 45-min lunch looks bad if you see other co-workers working through their lunch. Think about what is company policy. If you're allowed an hour-long lunch each day, avoid feeling anxious about this right. Look at what has worked in the past. Identify projects, people, or situations that help to ease your worry at work. Make sure to talk with trusted co-workers about any concerns you have about your job. Other people can be more objective about your situation.

Challenge your negative thoughts. Feelings of sadness, anxiety, or anger may be triggered when a difficult situation triggers negative thoughts. You may feel out of control emotionally when those negative thoughts become intrusive and persistent. Identify when negative thoughts occur. For example, after giving a presentation at work, you notice that more people are more engaged in listening to your co-worker's presentation than yours. You then have a negative thought to yourself, "I'll never be as good at presentation as my co-worker." The negative thought triggers negative feelings. In this example, you may feel sad, depressed, and rejected. Learn to replace and challenge these negative thoughts with more positive thoughts. Instead say to yourself, "I'm glad that I had this presentation. I'm happy with the effort I made. Next time, I'll find more activities to engage the audience." Instead of being self-deprecating, you can focus on how to improve and make things better.

Use the situation as motivation. If you see something or someone that causes you frustration and stress, focus on what you can do to make it better. Turn your emotions into motivation for change. See each hurdle as an opportunity for growth. Avoid taking the situation too seriously. Whether small issues or big problems, focus your energy on how to be resilient in this instance, and not feel let down. For example, let's say that another co-worker gets a promotion instead of you. Think about what you can do in the future in order to get that next promotion. Every success comes with mistakes. Life is a process of learning. Avoid being too hard on yourself, and gain some perspective on the good things you have in life.

Stepping Away from Anger

Listen to your body. Oftentimes your body will react faster than your brain when you are under emotional stress. Rather than trying to ignore these sensations, pay close attention to them. Notice these physical signs of anxiety, stress, or anger: Rapid heartbeat or increased blood pressure Muscle tension or shaking Sweating Nausea or upset stomach Headaches Clenching your jaw or teeth

Step away from the situation. When you feel yourself in mind and body getting angry, it may be best to step away from the situation. Try to excuse yourself if possible. Try also giving yourself some physical space between you and the emotionally-charged situation. Consider stepping away from your desk or office. Take a walk around the office. Get outside for a few minutes for fresh air. It is important to build breaks into your schedule aside from your lunch break, so consider taking a five minute “fresh air break” or a “walking break” at specific times during the day. Excuse yourself to the restroom. Being in the restroom may give you the opportunity to separate yourself from a difficult meeting or situation. If there is one person who is specifically upsetting you, ask to speak with them at a later time. Try not to get into an argument with them in that moment. It is important to keep a calm baseline, so make sure to schedule in some mental health days for yourself to help keep yourself calm. For example, if you have a busy month at work, then schedule in a day off to decompress.

Practice breathing, yoga, or visualization exercises to calm down. At your desk or in a private space at your work place, try stress reduction exercises that are helpful in calming the mind, such as deep breathing, yoga, or visualization. This will help to lower your blood pressure and redirect your negative thoughts away from anger. Try deep breathing exercises. One example of this is to slowly inhale your breath for five seconds. Hold your breath and close your eyes for five seconds. Then very slowly exhale for five to ten seconds. Repeat this exercise multiple times until you feel less upset. Do yoga in your work space. Choose a few yoga poses that you can easily do at work whenever you are feeling stressed. Engage in visualization exercises. Close your eyes. Imagine a comforting and safe space. It can be real or imaginary. As you imagine this place, think about the colors, smells, sounds, and sensations. This place should be a relaxing and soothing place that makes you feel better.

Creating Emotional Boundaries at Work

Assess your workplace culture. Each workplace may have a different way of operating. Some environments may be more supportive than others of their employees. Instead of getting angry or depressed, evaluate if this workplace is a good fit for you. If you feel like things aren't getting any better at your job, consider looking for work elsewhere. Consider how your current job fits in with your life goals and whether or not the stress you are experiencing is serving a purpose. Do your job search only after work, and outside of work time. If you feel like you need to keep this job, but are frustrated at the same time, identify people or things in your workplace that can make your daily grind less nerve-racking. For example, allocate time each day to spend time with co-workers that make you feel better. Or, consider using your lunch break to walk around the office. Also, make sure that you resist the urge to multitask. It is important to avoid letting too many responsibilities pile on.

Value emotions in moderation. While you may not want to be seen as emotionally volatile, avoid making a complete reversal by acting like an emotionless robot. Suppressing your emotions and bottling them up will likely lead to negative feelings about your life and work in the long run. Focus on tackling your emotions in the moment, rather than suppressing them. Make an effort to show that you are working towards happiness and betterment, rather than just "getting by" each day. See your negative emotions as transitory. If you fixate on them, or suppress them, then they stick with you. If you try to better yourself in a positive way, then they seem less persistent.

Create a relaxing personal space at work. If you have your own desk or cubicle, use this space to make yourself feel more at home. A clean and organized space can also help to reduce stress and anxiety. Use the workspace available to make them friendlier and relaxing. Decorate your desk or office with things that you enjoy. Put mementos that help to remind you of happy memories from home or work. Have photos of friends and family. Create spaces that are organized and clear of clutter. Clutter can make you feel more stressed. Put up a picture or two of a place that makes you feel happy. Focus your attention on this picture when you need to calm down and feel less stressed. You might even consider using a mindfulness app for five minutes here and there to take a desk break. If the noise in your workspace is distracting or stressful, then consider wearing noise canceling headphones to have a more peaceful workspace.

Releasing Stress Outside of Work

Leave your work at work. Do not take work home with you and resist the urge to answer work phone calls and emails. Make a point of spending your time away from work doing non-work related things, such as spending time with family and friends, enjoying your hobbies, and taking care of yourself.

Take care of your body. Treat your body with love and care. You will be better able to handle difficult situations when you're rested and physically well. What you eat, drink, and do outside of work hours really does impact how you emotionally respond at work. Exercise. Go to the gym. Take fitness classes. Walk, bike, and hike. Sleep well. Give your body the rest it needs. Make sure to sleep for as long as your body needs to feel rested. Make healthy choices. Limit junk food and caffeine when possible. Choose water and healthy snacks to keep you energized throughout the day. You'll be less cranky when you have a healthy snack to keep your blood sugar stable. Limit alcohol and other substances. Outside of work, a drink or two may feel like a good way to unwind. Avoid becoming dependent on alcohol or drugs in order to function.

Get emotional support. If you feel like your emotions are getting the best of you, listen to your friends and co-workers if they voice concerns about your emotional well-being. Rather than ignore your emotions, channel them in ways that allow you release your negative energy. Have a good friend that you can trust to talk about what's bothering you. Consider getting support through counseling. Counselors can help you learn coping skills to keep your emotions in check and how handle stressful work situations with greater tact. You may have access to free or low-cost counseling via your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Ask your human resources department for the EAP phone number. The consultation via phone to assess your needs is confidential.

Write in a journal. Get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. This can help you to focus your energy away from worry, anger, or sadness. Use your journal to process what you're feeling and why. Journaling is an opportunity to figure out what is bothering you. It can help to provide clarity over time. Write at least three things that you like about yourself and your life every time you write. Make sure to reflect on the positive things, and not just the negative. You may even consider using a journaling app that will remind you to write in it each day.

Spend more time with friends and family who encourage you. Help to make work-life balance a priority. The more opportunities that you give yourself to appreciate the people you love, the more you feel happy and purposeful at work. Set aside time each day and week to be with people that make you feel loved and happy. Call or talk with your friends or family more often. Open up to them about what you're feeling, even if it's not always happy. Be honest and open with them.