Making Conversation
Encourage them to talk about themselves. People rarely get opportunities where they can be unapologetic about how they talk about themselves. Giving them the floor to talk about themselves is a way to learn more about them and allows you to be more interesting by being interested in them. Ask open ended questions that delve into the person’s past and present. Find out their career ambitions, their hobbies, and what they enjoy about life. Also ask about their love lives. Sometimes inquiring about a person’s dating life is one of the things that hint towards you being interested in them as more than a friend. Friends don’t tend to ask you about your last relationship and what went wrong.
Touch on past shared experiences. Recalling the moments you have shared together in a way that feels intimate creates a flirting dynamic between you two. Talk about how you met online, in line at the coffee shop, or in study group for class. Take the time to recap an attribute that made you notice him or her by saying something like, “Your smile took my breath away.” If you have been out with him or her before, mention a detail of an outfit you’ve seen them wear before and mention how it made you feel watching them in it: “You had that amazing sundress on that day and it had me looking at you like, wow.”
Keep things clean, but don’t be afraid to get a little naughty. Flirting can come with a lot of sexual undertones. Use them to your advantage in subtle ways like casually mentioning that you just got out of the shower, or if you’re asked what you’re wearing, state some boxers or a t-shirt. Say their names purposefully. When you know someone, you very rarely refer to them directly by their names. In a husky voice, say their first name. It will personalize the conversation and make them think about you saying their names in other places. It will make their heart race slightly. Diffuse the tension a little by laughing and joking saying, “Don’t go getting any ideas!” It’s a way to play with the sexual tension without fueling it to a point you aren’t ready for just yet.
Ask him or her out on a date. Have setting an official date or plans to hang out act as a natural stopping point for the conversation, that way things are left on a high note and the conversation doesn’t go on and on and on until it hits a plateau. Think back on mutual likes to figure out a good date idea for the two of you.
Flirting Through Texts
Set yourself apart from the rest by keeping texts short and sweet. While texting is a great alternative to actually calling a person during a busy day, it shouldn’t be treated exactly like a phone call in the sense that messages should be short and sweet.
Add personality to the things you text. Unless it’s a text to say “good morning”, skip the formality texts that offer no flirtation value or act as energy zappers, such as “Hey what’s up?” They are typically followed by a routine back and forth that eventually dies out really early on. Before you text him or her, make sure that you have something of value to add to the conversation, whether it be a joke or a genuine compliment. Think of creative ways to initiate text messages like mentioning a lyric to a song you both like or a movie that the two of you love. Create inside jokes to build and show interest. Text an attention grabber like, “I’m thinking of you so I know you’re probably thinking of me.” It’s cocky, without being overly cocky and is bound to get its reader to crack a smile and respond in a hurried fashion.
Avoid letting your excitement for flirting lead to over-texting. Over-texting is the pitfall to many budding romances. Hitting it off and establishing a connection can lead to needy behaviors, over-texting being one of them. Text him or her once, wait for a reply, and if you get one, reply with one text in response. Think of texting as a dance, you take a step, and then they take a step, you take a step, and then they take a step. If you don’t get a reply, wait a full 24 hours to attempt to reach out again. As the relationship progresses, you will be able to slowly increase the frequency of your text messages. Too much at once though feels over-eager and can read as desperation. Appearing scarce by allowing time in between texts creates intrigue.
Spark attraction by creating tension. Flirting through text messages is about the rapport that builds the connection and the tension that fosters the attraction between you two. Tension happens through playful teasing so keep it light and flirt with him or her while you text. Give him or her a cute nickname, preferably one that has something to do with a shared experience between you two, “punk”, “brat”, “dimples”, “smiley”, or “giggles”. You can call them something common like “babe”, “baby”, or “sweetie”. Create some playful sexual tension by texting things like, “Stop trying to seduce me, I know what you’re up to” or “Get your mind out of the gutter!”
Move the relationship forward by talking in person. In order to move things to the next step, you have to create the next step. Don’t rely on the phone as a crutch and forget about building a relationship in real life. Once it feels right, ask him or her out on a date.
Getting the Most Out of Your Conversation
Forget about arbitrary rules on calling and interest. While no one likes to appear too eager to talk to someone they like, there is a fine line between interested and disinterested. Contact the person when you feel like contacting them. You do not have to wait for the other person to make the first move in establishing contact. Maintaining balance between exchanges is important but who acts as the initiator is not. Ladies, if you want to call a guy that gave him your number, you don’t have to wait for him to call you first. While gaps between conversations are perfectly fine, don’t allow more than a couple of days to pass without some form of contact happening.
Come up with topics to talk about beforehand. This will provide you with ammunition to flirt with him or her. But you should keep in mind that when you give a topic it mustn't be boring. Give a topic that both of you will enjoy and keep your attention. Some light-hearted, fun questions to include on your topic list are: “Beer, wine, or liquor?”, “Favorite way to relax?”, “Superpowers you wished you had?”, and “What’s the weirdest thing about you?” Prepare yourself mentally to answer any questions that you ask. Conversations typically progress that way naturally.
Avoid distractions and focus on the conversation. If you are going to talk on the phone with someone, don't watch TV, read a book, or hold another conversation in real life. It’s important that your attention is solely on the other person and that he or she can feel that while speaking to you. Find a quiet location to speak to him or her, avoiding heavily populated locations like a bus, shopping center, or a movie. You want the person to be able to hear you clearly and allow your tone to feel calm and collected as you flirt with your love interest. Choose a time of day where you know the both of you will not be busy and be less prone to distraction. A good way to do this is to ask him or her ahead of time when an ideal time to call would be.
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