What does “twink death” mean?
“Twink death” humorously refers to when a twink ages into a grown man. In LGBTQ+ slang, a twink is a young, slim, youthful-looking, sometimes effeminate gay man (maybe in his teens or 20s) who’s often white (but not always) and usually has little to no body hair. Twink death happens when a twink ages out of these “criteria.” They may put on some weight, grow facial or body hair, or just generally look more mature, adult, or “manly” as they get older. Twinks are also stereotypically considered a socially and sexually desirable subculture of gay men, so twink death sometimes also includes the idea of becoming less “in demand” as gay men age. Twink death may a bit sound problematic (there are certainly some valid criticisms of it), but generally, it’s an inside joke among gay men and other queer people that pokes fun at the “aging gay” stereotype and the very many body types and subcultures that exist in the gay community (like bears, daddies, otters, etc.).
Where did “twink death” come from?
“Twink death” first popped up on 4chan boards in the 2010s. The term may have first appeared on 4chan’s /lgbt/ board, where users posted question about using medication to “push back” their twink death (like in this post from 2016) or wondered how long they had until their own twink death (like in this post from 2020). Twink death surged in popularity on 4chan’s /lgbt/ board in 2020 before eventually jumping to other platforms like Twitter (now X) and Reddit.
In 2022, twink death became more mainstream on Twitter and Reddit. One early tweet by @gaypilled in May 2022 showed a screenshot of a 4chan board about twink death paired with the sad frog meme and the caption “how it sounds hearing people complain about twink death” (receiving over 110 retweets and 2,000 likes). Later that year, @wholesomeduos posted an image of a Catboy drawing from @sssamico showing a jaded, older Catboy drinking whiskey next to a photo of a younger him. The caption simply read “twinkdeath” and received more than 1,000 retweets and 13,200 likes.
The “twink death is a terrifying thing” meme emerged on Twitter in 2023. Users began posting side-by-side photos depicting mostly men (typically celebrities or fictional characters) before and after their “twink death” with the caption “twink death is a terrifying thing.” One well-known example features photos of actor Leonardo DiCaprio (picture Titanic-era Leo compared to 2021 Leo in Don’t Look Up). Other silly or darkly humorous tweets show fictional characters like Flounder from The Little Mermaid (the animated movie vs. the live action remake) or even Cedric Diggory (a twink-ish character from the Harry Potter movies) laying dead on the ground at the end of The Goblet of Fire. Basically, the trend applied to anything or anyone who used to look young, optimistic, and fresh before becoming older, more jaded, or less conventionally attractive or “normal” (and not just gay men).
Criticisms of “Twink Death”
It promotes ageism. Some feel that twink death perpetuates a stereotype that only young gay men (and young people more broadly) are attractive or socially relevant, and that your appeal diminishes as you get older. Others dislike how it makes the normal appearance changes that come with aging seem negative or like something to fear and avoid. This tweet by @Liv_Agar from 2023 sums it up: “Twink death, or as regular people like to call it: aging.”
It suggests that twinks are the “ideal” type of gay. Twink death implies that a gay man has gone from a more desirable state (young, thin, popular, and sexualized by some) to a less desirable one (older, larger, less relevant, and less sexually desired by some). Obviously, “desire” and what’s attractive is in the eye of the beholder. However, young gay men who feel insecure or like an outcast because of homophobic experiences may strive for the twink look in order to feel a sense of belonging or status. When they no longer look twink-ish, they may feel they’ve lost some security or appeal.
It reinforces fatphobic beliefs. Unfortunately, one of the key aspects of twink death is gaining weight (either in the face, the stomach, or just from maturing into your adult frame). Twinks are slim by definition, so twink death links weight gain with negativity and a sense of becoming less desirable (and more subject to criticism or judgment for it).
How to Cope with Aging as a Gay Man
Know that your age doesn’t have to correspond to hetero milestones. Unfortunately, a lot of gay, trans, and queer people hide parts of their identity during their teen years (or even into their 20s and beyond in some cases), meaning some may not reach some “milestone” experiences like dating, starting your first relationship, finding a like-minded group of friends, or exploring your sexual preferences until your mid-to-late 20s or 30s. This may feel late or like you’re behind compared to your hetero peers of a similar age, but remember that the timing is just right for you. So, don’t let judgment from people about where you are in life affect you. 30 and no kids? No problem! Still enjoying nightlife well into your 30s? Have fun! A straight person’s life and milestones may not map perfectly onto yours, and that’s 100% OK.
Strike up conversations with older gay men. No, not to flirt (unless you’re into that). Instead, just get to know them a little bit and hear about their life experiences. Sadly, a whole generation of gay men came of age without many older role models to look up to after the AIDS crisis in the 80s, and a legacy of youth and partying being the end-all-be-all of gayness has persisted. However, there are lots of grown gay men nowadays with happy relationships, successful careers, fulfilling lives, and words of gay wisdom to pass down to those willing to listen. Without examples of what happy, older gay men are like and have experienced, aging can certainly seem like navigating uncharted waters without a map. So, the best way to find your path is to chat with someone who’s been down it!
Try not to compare your age or body to those of other gay men. We get it—good looks, fitness, and youth are like currency in some gay circles. But, those same circles are often the ones that get heat online for being cliquey and carbon copies of one another. So, embrace your flaws and imperfections without comparing yourself to the younger guys at the gym or the pack of ultra-slim gays at the brunch table next to you. They’ll be older some day too! And remember, there are a lot of different kinds of gay men who find a lot of different ages, body types, and looks attractive. The younger guys you’re comparing yourself to might just be into you!
Focus on what you’re grateful for and accept what you can’t change. Accepting aging is similar to accepting change—you can control some things, but not all of them. So, take stock of the good things in your life and show gratitude for them. If getting older is your concern (especially if you’re around the twink death age of 30-ish), you can be thankful for things like your health, your mobility, a growing career, your friends, the community you live in, and so much more. When you love what you have now, you won’t wish for your past as much. Similarly, try not to stress over what you can’t change (your age) and focus on what you can. Namely, you’re in charge of how you respond to aging. Instead of clinging to old habits and priorities to feel like you’re 24 again, find new activities or passions that make you feel youthful and energized now.
Remember that aging is a gift. As we mentioned, the AIDS crisis meant it wasn’t always guaranteed that a young gay man would live a long life. Now, with advances in treatments and preventive medicine, gay men can live freely without worrying that HIV/AIDS will shorten or diminish their quality of life. So, celebrate the aging process and all the wisdom, experiences, and fun it brings!
Final Thoughts: Twink Death Isn’t So Bad
Twink death isn’t the end; it's a new beginning in a different, still-hot body! Not being a twink doesn’t mean you’re not attractive anymore—you’re just growing into your adult frame. Yes, it may be a little bigger or hairier than before, but what’s wrong with that? Outside of the handful of caddy folks who prioritize looks, most of the gay community is loud and proud about all the different body types and aesthetics they love. Some even refer to twink death as “DILF birth” (with DILF standing for “dad I’d like to f*ck”). Now, whether you prefer being called a daddy or not is a topic for another article, but one thing’s certain—there’s no shortage of love and appreciation out there for gay men past their twink era. Some people even celebrate their own perceived twink death by posting side-by-side then-and-now pictures of their adult glow-ups, gym progress pics, or even gender transitions.
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