Reality TV seems to have created an unreal atmosphere for children in India today, making them highly competitive. Children are displaying adult-like behaviour without understanding the nuances completely.
Should parents be barred from pushing their kids towards such pressure situations? Is this the end of innocence for children in India?
In order to throw light on the unreal pressures of reality shows on children, IBNLive.com organised a chat with senior psychologist Madhumati Singh. Reproduced below is the chat transcript.
Mike Mohan: I just feel that quality of TV entertainment and media has come down to disgraceful levels. Going back to those days where we had a single channel, most programs were inspirational and educative. Sadly today, most of the producers have forgotten their social responsibility in using the power of media. Television today stands as threat to the Indian society and Indian methods of upbringing. Doctor, how would you deal with this? TV had a lot to do with my childhood. I learned many of the languages and about the whole world through it. With the kind of content coming in today I just hope that it is no longer a source of education. I feel individual families should have their own home-grown entertainment what was probably prevalent before cable TV entered our homes.
Dr Madhumati Singh: Your answer lies in the message you sent. We have more accessibility in media and thus wider choice. So, let’s gets assertive and clear about picking the right choices for our families and us. Also let us provide a better and more 'fun' alternative (cycling, walk, nature walk, dancing in the rain etc) to our kids than what the 'idiot box' provides.
Simran: In all fairness, do you think the producers should be hauled up in the Shinjini case? After all, she did have a prior medical condition it is revealed now. Why did her folks allow her to go up on stage in such a situation then?
Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes, I agree with you. It looks like her mother (who broke down when she was rejected) had over aspirations for her, which sadly some of us parents land up doing. Over-impose our personal aspirations on our kids.
Mohit: Why are parents pushing their kids so aggressively these days? If you don't participate in talent hunts, does that make a child less talented?
Dr Madhumati Singh: Why parents are doing so is because they have got into this rut of 'excellence in parenting' which is definitely on an overdrive causing psychological burnout to the kids and family. Dropping and picking up kids from one activity to another takes the very fun and creativity out of the activity and becomes just another 'have to' thing. It’s high time parents re-organise what their kids like and what they may have imposed on them. Try to find out what the child enjoys and, yes, our aim should be to bring up happy and healthy kids.
Ramani: Today is the age of talent, competition and success. You must be ready for failures and rebuffs. Comment.
Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes, we are all on a fast track but it’s good to slow down a bit and rethink about where we are going and do we need that speed to reach there. Life is not a 100-metre dash, it’s a long marathon where stamina and endurance and even pace is important.
Amrita Gulati: There is a lot of talk here about the negatives of talent shows. But it can't be argued that talent shows have given kids a platform to perform. Also their level of confidence has shot up, don't you think?
Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes, I agree, talent shows are a good platform for a child's creativity to flourish, and their efforts can’t be undermined.
Ramani: The child and the parents are aware that there is intense competition. The judges are also stressed as they have to handle so many shows and participants. Does this not happen in exams? Yes. So this is all part of life and all should not expect to win or get acclaim.
Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes, it’s all a part and parcel of life, you lose some and you win some.
Umar Farooq Awan: We all know that the producers of such reality shows try to make an extra effort to give us nail-biting episodes. Honestly, humiliation of any person on national TV must stop. We all are humans after all; some can take it some cannot. In India we don’t need Jerry Springer-type shows. We are still civilised.
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Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes, public humiliation of any kind should be stopped. It’s uncivil and extremely aggressive stand to take especially at a public programme as talent shows.
Backinthejox: Clearly, the fault is with everyone: from the parents, to the people who create the shows and the ones who watch it. It is easy to point at another person and say they are at fault when something goes wrong.
Dr Madhumati Singh: A lesson to learn for all. However, this case should be taken more as exception than rule. Let us as parents look into how happy our children are while they enjoy their childhood, and not a mechanical robot, doing one task and then another.
Ravi23: Should counselling be made mandatory for parents? Can that help? or is it too Western for our comfort?
Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes. Counselling should be made mandatory for parents. In fact, 6/10 times when I see a child for his/her problem, it’s the parents I have to counsel.
Simran: What advice would you give to parents who are pushing their children towards such heights? Don't you feel the whole concept is unnatural? Please be honest.
Dr Madhumati Singh: Parents who are pushing their children are taking away their childhood away from them. It’s very important to first be objective, and clear what your child enjoys and how he/she can be internally driven, i.e. learning to compete with one's self and not with others. It takes time and parents are in a rush for everything. Parents need to 'listen' to children and direct the child according to what brings joy and happiness to the child. at his pace.
Natalie: Who do you think is to blame for Shinjini's present condition?
Dr Madhumati Singh: The onus lies with the parents to ensure she is medically fit, and ready to face the challenge. If we keep pushing our children, then why should the organisers cross-check that? Don’t parents know what is best for the child?
Glenn: Kunal Ganjawala, Shreya Ghoshal, Sunidhi Chauhan are a few names who've become what they are today with humble beginnings from 'musical shows' which have today evolved into reality shows. These reality shows gave 'life' and took the voices of singers like Rahul Vaidya, Amit Sana and Abhijeet Sawant to the world. I want to know - why has the public who till date have religiously picked up their cell phones and messaged the short codes voting for the last sorry appeal of these participants suddenly so gripped by the feeling that reality shows are killing?
Dr Madhumati Singh: Yes I agree. It’s more of a knee-jerk reaction to the recent case, and should be treated as exception rather than rule. And also give a reality check to parents to reassess their conduct with their kids with all the activities they are pursuing.
Sumit: Don’t you think reality TV gives some important practical lessons in life to children. Facing the outer world or how to cope in difficult situations. They learn a lot .Yes of course, keeping aside some vulgar stuff but that too to some extent is important. What is your opinion?
Dr Madhumati Singh: I agree with you. Some children intrinsically are very competitive. They get the adrenalin rush for having come 'first' etc. Yes, participating in competitive fields makes a person stronger and resilient to life's challenges ahead.
Sameer: The creative liberties of children are curtailed in these reality shows. They are so formatted that the creative intelligence of the child is diminished rather than put under the spotlight.
Dr Madhumati Singh: Dance and singing talent are specific areas which are being tapped by some shows, and it’s a good platform for talent to be taken to a bigger level of creativity and I think it’s quite healthy. Competing in itself is not unhealthy but if parents are insensitive to the child's innate talent and creating pressure, it’s not done.
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